tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55721036281605664472024-02-08T11:44:48.615-08:00My road to healing from lyme diseaseRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-36611291205128982682016-10-22T12:49:00.002-07:002016-10-22T12:49:40.690-07:00Pain-FreeI wrote the following in my journal this summer as I sat with pain...<br />
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Isn't that all we really want...the absence of pain? We seek pleasure to lessen or mask the pain. We seek fame to lessen the pain of feeling inadequate, unworthy, unloved. We seek health to avoid the pain of sickness. We seek wealth to avoid the pain of want and hunger. We seek love to heal the pain of rejection. We seek companionship and friendship to lessen the pain of being alone. Pain...it is hard to avoid...even though we try desperately. It follows us from childhood into adulthood. It shadows us as we live our lives through tragedy, disappointment, loss, betrayal, sickness. We try to mask it, muffle it, numb it, but it is always there. Certain experiences make it louder...so loud that we can hardly bear the noise of our hearts and body as they cry. Certain experiences make it more distant, less visceral so that we can barely hear the pain at all. We try to run, but it follows. We try to stamp it out, but it survives. We try to mute it, but it will not be silenced. <br />
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So Pain...you are a companion on this road of life. I can either despise you and curse you, or I can sit with you...listen to the pulse of your reality. Learn the lessons you have to teach. Breathe in the wisdom that comes from your presence. Look at the injustices and loss to which you point. <br />
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Oh! Yet, I long to be pain-free. Free of pain. As I speak those words, the tears flow. What would that be like...What would<b> I </b>be like? To not know pain...I would not be able to connect with the human experience. I would not have empathy, compassion...love. Pain connects us, it unifies us. It drives us to heal, to change, to justice, to courage, to faith, to love. It challenges us to rise above, to believe, to hope, to endure, to grow. <br />
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Wow! Yes, pain makes us strong and yet, I have always seen it as a sign of weakness...yes, weakness, because it makes me feel vulnerable, out of control, frustrated and angry. I view it as the enemy...a presence that wants to steal my joy and extinguish my life. I view it as a state of being alone, not safe that I am not held. Yet, pain does NOT mean that I am alone, forgotten, abandoned unloved or punished. In the midst of pain, I am still held by the One who knows my name, hears my cries and touches, feels my pain.<br />
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Hmmm..What if I were to view it as a friend rather than a foe? Is that possible? Could I see it as a life-giving force...as pain gives way to life in childbirth? Could I see it as a companion whose goal is to free me rather than consume me? A force of life that moves me from what was to what could be...A friend that alerts me to danger and the need for attention or intervention. A process of healing; a process of restoration; a process of life. For without pain, I would not learn, I would not strive, I would not rest, I would not grow, I would not heal.<br />
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Okay Pain, may your presence be a reminder of all that I have gained rather than all I have lost. A reminder of my humanity and the process of healing that connects my heart to others. A reminder of my complete dependence and need for my Creator...the One who sustains me, loves me, comforts me, provides for me and heals me as I walk through this world of pain.Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-1547024326996322462016-05-31T16:46:00.001-07:002016-05-31T16:46:44.276-07:00I KNOWIt is has been four years since I last posted. Incredible. I have spent the last four years continuing to tweak meds/supplements/herbs and heal. I was recently told by my doctor that I am in remission. Those beautiful words...remission!! I celebrated! I cried! I sighed with relief!<br />
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It makes me sad to know that there are many who are struggling. As I look through my journal, there is an entry from 2011 that screams at me. It gives a peak into the pain I faced and many others face on a daily basis. I will never forget. If you are struggling, I want you to know. You are not alone because there are others who know...<br />
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I Know...<br />
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I know what it is like to have your world turned upside down...to have no hope...to so badly want what was..to have your health back...the norm...that which has been lost. I know what it is like to watch other so easily go on with their lives...to have the strength to do things they seem to take for granted or even dread, and yet, you would love to walk in their shoes and have their health for just one day. I know what it is like to feel as though no one really understands what it is like.. to not even have the option of going to the grocery store or doing laundry, or even sit up for long periods of time. Feeling as though no one understands is a lonely place. I know what it is like to feel you are a burden...to not be able to contribute to the family, to not be able to volunteer at the school, not be able to fix the meal for a sick friend because you are the sick friend. I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and not recognize the reflection looking back at you because your body has become so emaciated, pale and frail despite how hard you are fighting this disease. I know what it is like to endure pain day after day and have no hope it will ever stop or improve. I know what it is like to feel as though you are a failure as a wife because you are watching your husband desperately hold it all together and there is nothing you can do to ease his burden. I know what it is like to feel as though you are a failure as a parent..to not be able to run with your children at the playground or take them shopping for the clothes they need or be present at back to school night. I know what it feels like to wonder if you matter anymore. I know what it is like to feel as though you are half dead...only partially alive...that you have been robbed of your life. I know what it feels like to wonder if you will survive,,,wonder if you will see your children grow into adulthood and have the influence and ability to care for them as they grow. I know what it is like to feel completely out of control...unable to control your ability to do anything because you never know what your body will allow. I know what it is like to lose the respect of others...especially doctors...who don't understand Lyme disease...to have doctors not see the vibrant person...the real you who wants to be well again. They are unable to see how far you have fallen. They only seem to see a weak, frail, helpless, sick person who they don't really know how to help. I know what it is like to feel vulnerable and be personally striped down until there is nothing left to strip. I know what it is like to feel desperate...to be willing to do anything to go anywhere in order to get the answers that will lead to healing. I know what it feels like to give up...to see no end to the pain...no end to the desperation. I know what it is like to feel defeated and exhausted because the answers are not giving any relief. I know what it is like to feel angry...SO angry that life isn't working out the way I had planned. I know what it feels like to wonder..."Why me?" I know...Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-75401877736879754062012-04-16T08:30:00.012-07:002012-04-16T10:00:06.102-07:00The Gift of the MomentWhen I began blogging four years ago, I knew nothing about the blogging world. A friend of mine suggested I blog while I was undergoing treatment as a way to let everyone in my life know my progress and how to pray for me. It was to be a temporary tool to efficiently communicate with friends and family. Slowly, it has become much more to me. Now, it is a place where I will give health updates, but I am also compelled to share the ways God has so graciously guided me along this healing road. My prayer is that this blog is a place for others to find encouragement and hope for their lives. <br /><br />Well, I must admit...I still don't know much about the world of blogging. So, a few days ago, I decided to "explore" a little bit. I began reading the blogs of a few Christian women who were sharing about their families, Easter traditions and how they manage their homes. The pictures of their Easter was beautiful...a picture perfect family. Then, my heat sank...<br /><br />I thought of the women who were unable to get out of bed on Easter, unable to hide their children's Easter eggs, unable to find the perfect outfits, unable to make the perfect Easter dinner and I cried. I cried because I know how it feels to watch others so effortlessly move through their lives and be unable to do the same.<br /><br />If you are reading this and struggling because your body is unable to "do" all of the perfect things. Please take heart. God has not forgotten you. He sees you. He knows you. He hears you, and He cares about every tear that falls. You are not alone. He hasn't overlooked you or your family. <br /><br />It is so easy to compare ourselves to others...to judge the <em>moments</em> of our life. Don't look for the "perfect" moments. Don't judge or compare. Embrace the single, simple beautiful moments and gifts from His hand. Look at what you "have" instead of focusing on what you've "lost." Don't compare...don't look for perfect. Look for the gifts God gives you in every moment...the smile on your child's face, the hugs and kisses,the words of love, being with family regardless of the activity..being together. These are His perfect gifts for you and your family. Embrace your moments with thanksgiving...instead of judgement or regret...and you will begin to see the gifts.<br /><br />Embracing the moment with thanksgiving allows us to <em>see </em>the gifts...living fully present in the moment allows us to <em>experience</em> the gifts they hold. Don't minimize or begrudge your moments because they aren't like the experiences of yesterday. You have been given today! Embrace "your" life and live in it. You aren't only "half" alive because you are sick. You are fully alive! You have been given the opportunity to live today...in this moment. Live your moments to the fullest, and be FULLY present in them. Experience them; taste them..they matter! <br /><br />Yes, your moments really matter. You <em>still </em>matter and what you are able to give...YOU...matters greatly to your family. They don't want perfection...they want YOU! Give YOU! If you are able to love...give it...it matters! It makes a huge difference. Your life still has impact and meaning. All of your moments matter. So, embrace them...don't judge or compare them; be fully present in them; know they matter..they are gifts.Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-2956085103493492772012-04-06T18:42:00.011-07:002012-04-07T18:41:31.898-07:00The Gift of LoveWhat a precious gift! Love is a funny thing. It can't be earned. It can only be <em>given</em>. However, the way love had worked in my life...or my concept of love had always been based on my ability to perform, achieve, obtain... to be worthy of it. It was like chasing the wind. I was trying to be worthy of a gift that is only given unconditionally. Even if someone loved me unconditionally, I could not benefit from their gift because my efforts were "there" to take credit for it. The deep belief was..."I had to earn love...people gave me love because of the efforts on which I had learned to rely for acceptance and love."<br /><br />Many years ago, I came to an incredible place of seeing God's grace and unconditional love for me with fresh eyes and a new understanding. It was incredibly freeing and healing! However, my self effort and striving to earn love and acceptance from people was very much intact. I didn't even realize how intact or strong those walls where until they started coming down "brick by brick."<br /><br />All of the masks, efforts, pretense...I put forth with the hope of being loved/accepted by others was slowly but surely stripped away. I was unable to measure up, perform, "do" the things that might earn me favor from others. I was vulnerable...very vulnerable. <br /><br />One of the most difficult bricks to fall was the drastic change in my appearance. I was so thin...it was scary. My face was thin, grey and pale. In addition, I had lost my front tooth, and for a few weeks, I didn't have a replacement. I had to see people and go to doctor appointments without a tooth...and looking very frail. There were moments I would take a second look in the mirror because I didn't recognize the reflection I saw. My belief that I had to look a certain way to be valued and loved was challenged to the core.<br /><br />Even though I felt incredibly vulnerable, and didn't have my "effort,mask or tooth" to present to the world, I am so thankful....I was embraced and loved by my family and friends!! It was the first time in my life I had no choice but to risk and let the unconditional love of others touch my heart. My walls had crumbled.<br /><br />My incredible husband had told me for years he would always love me, but now, I could see his love did not waiver....regardless of my weakness, appearance or vulnerability. Now, it had been tested...I really knew he loved "me."<br /><br />My friends were also amazing...they loved me regardless of my condition. Yes, there were friends who didn't understand and weren't there for me, but I quickly learned who really loved me....not my effort or masks...me. I am so blessed to have so many friends who wrapped their arms around me in love.<br /><br />I am thankful for this gift of being loved for me...it is unconditional. Love is by nature...unconditional. To place a condition on love violates the very nature of love. I finally learned..."to accept love based on my efforts/mask would never allow my heart to know the love it truly desired." <br /><br />It just so happens that today is Good Friday. The day of ultimate sacrifice and unconditional love for mankind. Jesus died not because we are "worthy" of His love based on our efforts. The Bible says, "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). He died for us because He saw the worth of His creation...made in His image, and He loved us. He desired to reconcile the ones He loved so unconditionally back to Himself. It is just mind blowing to think....Jesus died on the cross because (just like my husband and friends) He loved "me"...not my efforts, masks or gifts...just because He loved "me." What an amazing gift of love!Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-40977026760959728012012-04-01T20:17:00.008-07:002012-04-07T18:44:00.079-07:00The Gift of God's PresenceApril 7, 2008....I was walking out the door to catch a flight to Reno, Nevada for lyme treatment. I quickly skimmed my bookshelf looking for a book to read on the plane. The only requirement....it needed to be small enough to fit into my purse...the smaller the better. In my haste, without much thought, I picked up a small paperback I purchased years earlier and had not read. It was called, Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I heard it was a good book, and I was intrigued by the title. So, maybe it was time to finally read it...not much else to do while on the plane. Why not? <br /><br />Not only did I read it on the plane, I read it in the quiet, lonely moments of treatment when it was just me and God. The book beautifully described the relationship Brother Lawrence had with God. He was a monk, who lived in the 17th century, in a monastery. He was a cook in the kitchen of the monastery. Even though he worked amongst the hustle and bustle of cooking and serving meals (well...cooking creates lots of hustle and bustle in my house anyway!), his mind and thoughts constantly remained on God and the awareness of His presence. In the book, he talks about enjoying God's love and peace regardless of the circumstances or busyness around him. I was fascinated (and still fascinated)with his constant mental pursuit of God in His thoughts. It is reported that people enjoyed being around him, and he was a man full of peace and love. Wow! <br /><br />When I came home, out of complete desperation, I "fell" into depending on God to lead me in the moments of my days. I began to realize I was more aware of His presence than I had ever been in my life. Instead of reading a devotional or Bible passage, and setting it aside to "get on with my day." The dialogue and dependence on God continued throughout my day. It started to click...I began to connect the dots, and I wondered..."could this be a small taste of what Brother Lawrence shared with God?" It didn't take valiant effort or duty or service on my part...only quiet cries for help and listening...meeting God in the moments of my life...in my weakness and stillness. <br /><br />I am definitely not a monk in a monastery!! I would never compare myself to Brother Lawrence, but I think God knew the road I was taking and what He wanted to teach me. I believe He put that "small" book in my hands for a reason. He wanted to make the gift of His presence a reality in my life...not just a theological fact. Slowly, clinging to His presence, and talking with Him moment by moment, became the only way I could navigate during those difficult days. Sometimes I would question myself and pray..."God, I don't know of anyone else who asks you about each step of their day...am I on track?" or "God, how do I stay in communion with you as my life gets busier and not so small?" I wanted to read more.<br /><br />Fast forward to Sept, 2009...I was at a local Christian Bookstore at the register checking out, and I saw a devotional book called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I had not heard of the book. The prompting came, "Buy that devotional book." I thought, "I have sooo many devotional books at home with dust on them...that I don't read. Why would I buy another one to add to the stack? I don't know ANYTHING about this book!" The prompting continued. Finally, I bought the book, and thought..."at least it is on sale!" <br /><br />I went home and began reading the devotional out of sheer curiosity. I quickly realized it is an incredible devotional book, and the answer to many of my questions about this new way to walk through life. The author talks over and over again about living in God's presence. Keeping our focus on God. It became a daily encouragement to me, and a confirmation of what God was teaching me over and over again. It gave me answers to my many questions about..."How do I enjoy God's presence in the "real world"...outside of my four walls or outside of a monastery?<br /><br />I still read this devotional book on a regular basis, and this morning, April 1st, as I was contemplating writing about the gift of God's presence in my life, I read this...<br /><br />Jesus Calling, April 1st...<br />"I AM CALLING YOU to a life of constant communion with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all. Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My spirit to guide you moment by moment. He will keep you close to Me."<br />I Thessalonians 5:17; Proverbs 3:6<br /><br />When I read this devotional today...I just had to smile. I had already planned to blog about the gift of His presence in my life. Then, I read today's devotional. The devotional says it better than I could ever articulate. I read it...my heart was warmed, and I was encouraged to continue "basic training."Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-9747808580863223482012-03-26T07:22:00.009-07:002012-04-01T20:16:45.494-07:00The Gift of ListeningAs I reflect back on this journey, one of the most important lessons and gifts I have been given is the gift of listening. As I have mentioned many times, before my health crisis...I was twirling, I was so busy. My life consisted of reacting to the crisis at hand or my to-do-list. I was very task driven. The demands of life were screaming in my ears and there was so much noise.<br /><br />Once my world stopped as I knew it, my life became very quiet. The demands of life were knocking at my door but I couldn't answer. My options of busyness where no longer. I was left with being in my own skin...being with myself and being with God. That may sound odd but there were no other distractions. Going to Target, volunteering at school, going to work wasn't a viable option for me. My world became very small, and my steps were very few. <br /><br />I knew every step I did make was very important to the care of my family and my own recovery. Every step was precious energy...it could not be wasted. I was overwhelmed by this fact. So, from moment to moment, I began to ask God how to use my steps wisely. I knew I didn't know the big picture or even how to get from point A to point B. So, I asked God. I would wake up in the morning and and ask..."Father, what is next?" I would listen. Sometimes it was a prompting to check email, read a book that gave me more info about my recovery, make a phone call, or prepare a meal. When that task was done, I would ask God to show me the next. I lived moment by moment with no agenda....only to ask God for direction and follow His promptings. When I did go to the grocery store (for the first time in my life) I didn't take a grocery list. I would ask...what will we need? There were times I felt promptings to buy something...like construction paper, and would think...why in the world am I buying that?! Sure enough a few days later one of my kids would need construction paper!! I began to stop questioning and just listen.<br /><br />How often, I have asked God, "What is next?" and wondered does He really care about the moments of my day? Will He really lead me? Then, I remember Psalm 139. <br /><br /><em>"Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths (even this illness!), you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. ALL THE DAYS ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."</em><br /><br />Reading these verses, I can never question how intimately He is involved in my steps. How incredible...He knows when I sit down and when I rise. Grant it...I was mostly sitting and not much rising, but HE knew!!! Wow!! So, I had my answer. Yes, He knows the details of my families needs, and the steps I take, and yes, He will lead me. <br /><br />So yes, He did and (and still does) lead; however, it really required me to surrender MY agenda and MY way to Him. I would often think..."I really don't want to do this or that doesn't make any sense!!!" However, if I really wanted to listen...it was His voice I wanted to hear, not my own, so I had to give up my way to His direction. You know...even though I didn't always have a clean house or the things "I" thought were important. I always went to bed with the peace that God directed me and the important things were done....He knows better than I do.<br /><br />As I was learning this new way to live, another question would often come to mind..."God is this your prompting?" <br /><br />In I Kings 19:11-12, God is speaking to Elijah and the verses say, <em>"'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.' Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave." </em><br /><br />Elijah had his own experience with "Earth, Wind and Fire!" but God was not there. When Elijah heard the gentle whisper, He knew it was God. <br /><br />I was not looking for big gestures or "signs..." I was just asking God for direction and listening for a gentle whisper. It was a walk of faith. Trusting that God was hearing and leading me, and the gentle promptings...His sweet voice....yes, as overwhelming as it is to write this and tears run down my face...I think...yes, He has lead me all this way...step by step each day. Jesus led me all the way. (Hmm...Reminds me of the old hymn). <br /><br />Believe me! This was a radical change in the way I had always "done" life. Before, I was always thinking and trying to squeeze the most out of my hours in the day. I became a master at multi-tasking, and somehow thought this was a great accomplishment. All the while, I had no idea I was contributing to the break down of my immune system and health by putting so much stress on my body. As I get stronger, how easy it is for me to go back to the old way of living life...to walk in my own wisdom...instead of leaning in desperate dependence on God for each step. I long to never loose sight of this precious gift of listening.Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-34926337160013918292012-03-19T08:19:00.010-07:002012-03-20T11:16:17.662-07:00The Gift of ObedienceOne summer afternoon in 2008, I was coming home from a doctor's appointment, and I was exhausted. I had used all of my strength to get to the appointment and I was on empty. I was focused on getting home so I could get in bed and rest...I just wanted to be one with my bed! Finally, I was almost there. I was at the intersection in front of my neighborhood waiting for the light to turn green so I could make a left hand turn into my neighborhood. I was so happy my journey was almost done and my home and bed were not far away! As I waited impatiently for the light to turn green, I began to notice cars swirving in order to miss an object in the intersection. As I looked closer, I realized the object was a log! (I assumed it must have fallen from the back of a truck!) Everyone was navigating treacherously around it but no one stopped to move the log out of the intersection. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! No one cared about the danger this log posed. All I could think about was the fact that this log could cause a wreck and someone might really get hurt!! I said out loud, "Why doesn't someone DO something....and roll that log out of the way."<br /><br />Then, there was a gentle prompting in my heart. "Ronda, why don't <em>you</em> move the log out of the road?" I was ready with my response... "I am really sick and so weak. I CAN'T move THAT log! I have a valid reason for not acting." Satisfied with my reasoning...the light turned green, and I made my left hand turn (navigating around the log)through the intersection and into my neighborhood. I put my sights on my home and getting into bed! I thought I was home free, but the prompting in my heart was only stronger..."Why don't you move that log?" Then I thought..."Is this prompting from God...really??" "God, do you want me to move that log out of the road....me??" I tried to ignore it again, but I knew in my heart that to go home and not move the log would be disobedience. I must admit I almost kept driving to my goal...home...but the thought came..."If I quench God's prompting this time...it will be so much easier to not listen the next time. Do I want to listen and obey or do I want to do life my way?" My way usually gets me into trouble. I knew I needed to turn my car around and go back to move the log. Finally, I turned my car around...I wish I could report that I happily turned my car around, but I was angry. I REALLY didn't want to go. Every step to the dr's office and back home was such an effort...how in the world was I going to move a log out of the road??!!!<br /><br />I headed back to the intersection and manuvered my car until I was once again sitting in the left hand turn lane at the intersection. Cars were still swirving around the log...thankfully the traffic was light and no one had been hurt. This time, I turned on my hazard lights and put the car in park. As the traffic stopped for the red light, I walked into the intersection, bent down and began rolling the log out of the intersection into the grassy median. As it rolled, I began to laugh..what a sight I must have been! Hopefully, it was a pleasing sight of obedience to God. Once the log was secure, I went back to my car and made that left hand turn, for the second time, into my neighborhood.<br /><br />I drove home with a smile on my face and a new energy. I listened....and obeyed. I acted in a situation and potentially prevented an accident. I may have helped someone else, but I also helped myself. I felt like I had re-entered the land of the living. Being so ill, I had began to feel like a bystandard watching as life happened around me. I felt powerless to change my situation or anything happening around me...much like a victim. That day I realized, I am ill and weak and cannot do everything I desire but I am not powerless...nor am I a victim. Although my steps may not be many, if I am listening and obeying the One who is making my path straight, my steps can make a difference for me and for others.<br /><br />This was a turning point for me...the day I made a decision to begin listening and obeying...even if it seems crazy...or I don't feel like it. There have been so many voices and opinions along the way about how to treat lyme or my other diagnosis. At times, it has been incredibly overwhelming and confusing. Who do I listen to? What do I do? This lesson in listening and obeying has been crucial for me. As I have listened (to His promptings)and obeyed, God has again, and again been so faithful to show me the path of healing through specific doctors, exercise, diet, supplements, medications, and lifestyle. Obedience has been a healing road for me from the inside out...truly a gift!Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-87983596464047327372012-03-12T10:04:00.011-07:002012-03-12T11:25:34.712-07:00The Gift of HealthWow! Is it really March, 2012?? The few times I have taken a break from blogging, it amazes me how quickly time passes...how fleeting. A blog entry may stand still to represent a moment or day in time, but our lives continue to march on. Even though I haven't been blogging, I have been journaling and I have continued to reflect on the gifts I have been given...the gifts I see with fresh eyes as a result of being on this healing journey.<br /><br />One of the gifts for which I am so deeply thankful is my health. Prior to dealing with illness, I didn't understand the gift of health...the fact that my health was truly an amazing gift that could be here today and gone tomorrow. I assumed I would always be healthy, and if I got sick...well, there would be a pill of some sort that would put me back on my feet. Any illness that couldn't be solved with a round of antibiotics or a prescription was unthinkable...I just didn't even let my mind go there.<br /><br />Speaking of prescriptions, I had been so blessed with health; I was thirty years old when my first antibiotic was prescribed. Really!! I had hardly ever been sick! I had been given the gift of health but didn't realize the priceless nature of this gift. I was somehow lulled into thinking that I would always be healthy, and the "rules" of taking care of yourself didn't apply to me. <br /><br />My schedule was pack...I played hard and worked hard. I allowed by body to endure too much stress and I pushed it way too hard. I didn't listen to it's pleas for rest. I just drank another cup of coffee (to get a good old fashion dose of caffeine) and kept pushing. My body was just along for the ride. I didn't see my body as a vital part of me that needed <strong>attention</strong>, and needed to be <strong>heard.</strong> My body was there to serve me and allow me to do what I wanted to do. Wow! It makes me sad just writing those words.<br /><br />As far as caring for my body with nutrition, well, I must admit...I didn't eat the best foods on a consistent basis. Even though I am a Registered Dietitian, and I know how to eat right. I allowed my schedule and to-do-list to dictate how I fed my body. I often chose foods that I could grab quickly to accommodate my schedule rather than take the time to prepare or eat what was optimal for my body. <br /><br />I am not saying I would not have contracted lyme disease had I taken better care of my body. However, I have been forced to follow the "rules of health," and make my health a priority in order for my body to heal. I no longer live under the delusion that the "rules" don't apply to me. I know the rules apply to me...I won't escape the health consequences if I try to accomplish things I see as important to the detriment of my own body. I have had to apologize to my body for the lack of sleep, stress and mishap eating...for not listening to it.<br /><br />No, I am not 100% back to my normal health. Yes, I am still working with doctors and continue to have health concerns, but I continue to improve and get stronger. I now see any measure of health I gain or enjoy as an amazing gift. This last year has been about enjoying this gift, and learning to balance the needs of my body with the activity and craziness of life. Sometimes you don't know the value of a gift until it is gone.Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-21132199384910859592011-04-03T17:14:00.000-07:002011-04-15T07:22:19.282-07:00Four Little "Friends"It has been over a year since I have written a "medical update" so I thought it might be fitting to bring everyone up-to-date on my health. Last year, I wrote a blog ("Cutting out Extra Parts") and explained that I had a tonsillectomy and was about to undergo a second surgery to have my gallbladder removed. I did have my gallbladder taken out, and was told that it was quite infected...the doctor's quote,"It didn't disintegrate in my hands but it was quite infected." I guess that means, "It could have been worse!" Both my tonsils and gallbladder were tested for lyme and other things. They were not positive for lyme but other microbes were detected. Since my surgeries, I have noticed a gradual positive shift with my health...less fatigue, throat issues, just alot more stamina. YEAH!!! Definitely worth my two trips to the OR.<br /><br />Even though there have been definite improvements in my overall health, my white blood cell count has remained quite low, and my red blood cells remain low. One of the reasons I had both surgeries was to eliminate infection and thereby, help my WBCs to go back to the normal range...didn't happen! Again, I am the mystery patient that baffled the doctors. The hematologist said, "This is an infectious disease issue." The infectious disease doctor told me it was absolutely not an infectious disease issue and told me to go back to the hematologist! OH MY! When a dr gives me a blank stare, I just think....here we go again! Help me God..only you truly know what is happening. <br /><br />Everyone was puzzled, but it was Dr. Zackrison to the rescue. Dr. Zackrison is the doctor who has treated me for lyme disease. She treats with antibiotics as well as homeopathics and is willing to look outside of the box. Dr. Z suspected that the neutropenia and anemia could be due to parasites...lovely thought! So, she ordered blood work, and sure enough...she found a major parasite..cysticercosis. YUCK! I was absolutely disgusted and thankful all at the same time! Horrified that I had a "friend" who is robbing me of nutrients and keeping my immune system so busy, but so thankful I had an answer. <br /><br />With this knowledge and diagnosis, Dr. Z explained to me that a virus is like the size of a sesame seed, a bacteria can be thought of as a peanut and parasites are like golf balls to the immune system. Hence, my body can't keep up and produce enough WBCs to sustain a normal level. She also explained that the parasites are literally stealing the iron I eat. This why my iron stores are nonexistent and my RBCs are so low. She put me on parasite meds and my WBCs went back to normal. They were the highest they had been in three years!!! I literally did a "happy" dance around the office...I was so thrilled!! <br /><br />They have continued to test me for other parasites and have found three additional parasites...yes, I have four friends!! Just put me in a red bag marked "hazardous waste!!!" I have had the health department call me more than once asking..."Do you know how you contracted these parasites?" My answer....NO, I have no earthly idea!!!! I guess if you take away someone's immune system...defense...while they live in a world with parasites...they are likely to pick up a few of them! I suppose my digestion issues could also be a reason. When I was being treated in Reno, they tested the ph of my stomach and it was too high. I was told that if the ph of your stomach isn't low enough to properly digest food and kill bacteria, virus and parasites, you are suscpectible to parasites. In addition, when you don't have the proper ph to digested food, the undigested food produces bad bacteria...all of this combined can contribute to acid indigestion and reflux. I have been taking hydrochloric acid (to lower the ph of the acid in my stomach)as well as digestive enzymes and my indigestion and reflux are gone! <br /><br />With all of the meds and treatment for parasites, I have learned one thing, "parasites are hard kill!" The meds don't kill the eggs so yes, as you guessed...you have to keep killing new generations of them. My WBCs go up and then back down like a see-saw. I have read Hulda Clark's book on parasite treatments and she recommends cloves (ground and put into capsules) to kill the eggs so I have been using her protocol as well as the pharmaceuticals. Her protocol has been very helpful to me.<br /><br />I will continue to let you know how my parasite treatment is going. I truly think....if I can rid my body of these "critters," it will take care of many of my symptoms and medical concerns. It would definitely free-up my immune system, and go along way toward my fight against lyme disease.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-46411725647943110002011-03-15T08:31:00.000-07:002011-03-19T14:23:01.721-07:00"Ronda, Just Soar"My last blog was about hope. The fact is...the only way I have been able to hold onto hope is to stay in the moment with complete trust that GOD is holding me, and all my future moments, in His loving care. This new awareness and need for GOD in the moments of my life, has gradually turned into a continual dialogue with GOD about EVERYTHING that is happening (or in some cases not happening!) in my day no matter how little or how big. <br /><br />In 2008, when I was at my worst, I couldn't even raise my arms to blow dry my hair. Believe me! There were ALOT of things that where "not happening." Do you remember my blog, "You Don't Look Sick," and the "Spoon Theory?" I wrote about the fact that when one struggles with a chronic condition, physical energy is a limited commodity, and one never knows when the "spoons" of energy will be gone. They may be back in bed by 9:00 AM, and their strength may literally be "spent." With this new understanding of my body, I had to let go of ALL expectations of my day or myself, and I began asking God, "What do YOU have for me in this moment?" "How should I spend my spoons of energy?" With my day completely surrendered and no agenda, in the stillness...I felt gentle promptings toward specific things. The prompting may be to make an appointment with a doctor, read a book, sweep the kitchen floor or simply rest. I began to live from my heart and the gentle promptings instead of the crazy worry and "logic" of my own reasoning. <br /><br />You know, it really was freeing knowing GOD knew what needed to happen from day to day. He knew where He was taking me and what my body, soul and spirit needed in order to heal. He also knew the needs of my family. At the end of the day, no...I didn't have the "to-do-list" completed. Yes, there were always things left undone, but there was no guilt or worry. I knew God had walked me through the moments of my day. It actually became exciting! I love spontaneity and each day was full of surprises. I never knew exactly how the day would go. Yes, there were promptings to do things I REALLY didn't want to do...but there was no procrastination (which I am so good at!) I was just listening, seeking and asking God to lead me...taking it one moment at a time.<br /><br />One summer afternoon in 2008, I needed to meet up with a friend a few miles from my house. She was bringing me groceries, (I have such wonderful friends!!) but due to time constraints she was unable to deliver the groceries to my house...so, we chose a convenient meeting place near the local interstate. I was so very weak, and had only driven a few times since coming home from Reno. The idea of navigating the interstate was too much...sitting up in my car was a challenge within itself! As I left my neighborhood, I said to God, "My brain is in such a fog and I feel so weak. I need a back road to get to my destination. Please show me what to do!" I felt a gentle nudging to take an immediate right turn. I thought....I must have heard wrong! This is crazy! I can't get there by turning right, but I was learning to trust those promptings so, I turned right. Immediately, I looked up and there was a beautiful eagle soaring above me. It was soaring low and I was amazed at the wing span. It was completely breathtaking. I said out loud, "Is that an eagle?" I felt like God was saying, "Yes, Ronda that is an eagle." I started to argue...that CAN'T be an eagle...we don't have eagles around here." It was as if God said...."Go with it Ronda...Trust me on this one...it's an eagle!" <br /><br />Then, the arguing stopped. A verse came to my mind, "They that wait (or hope in) on the Lord, He will renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) God said to my heart, "Ronda, your complete trust and dependence on me for each moment of your day...to even make this right turn...this is what it means to soar...you are soaring." I started to cry! I had always wondered what this verse in Isaiah REALLY meant. I didn't know what it looked like in a practical way in my life. Now, my heart understood. I just needed to spread my wings and stop trying to make sense of it all...stop trying to control the future...stay in the moment and just let God carry me.<br /><br />As all of these thoughts were going on inside of me, through the tears, I noticed a brand new road that had been opened while I was in Reno. I turned onto the new road, and it was a "back road" that lead me to my destination. The "crazy" right turn...was not so crazy after all. Yes, God was carrying me.<br /><br /><br />Since that day, when I leave my house, I look up and inevitably, I will see a hawk soaring above. The prompting comes to my heart..."Ronda, just soar." It is a beautiful and gentle reminder to not "run" in my own strength...just be in the moment with God and let him take care of all of my worries...just soar.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />Ronda<br /><br />One more thing! A few days ago I was having lunch with neighbors and they began talking about the eagle's nests that are in our neighborhood....Who knew?! I guess God was right...it was an eagle!<br /><br />Proverbs 3:5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body, and refreshment to your bones."Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-57834054368598971642011-03-10T09:00:00.000-08:002011-03-12T18:35:24.151-08:00"Shattered" HopeAlong this road I am on there have been days when I have lost hope. Hope was illusive. It was there one minute....then, it was gone. I remember purposely trying to cling to hope because the alternative was despair and darkness. Yet despair would often cloud my mind and take over my heart. Questions plagued me, "Will I get better?" "Will my health return?" "How long will I be in this condition?" We had already spent so much money, time and energy on doctor's visits, medications and regimens. Yet, I was not well. The thought of not getting better left me feeling hopeless.<br /><br />Lyme disease is a crazy illness. There are so many different thoughts and opinions about treatments, prognosis, management, cure, and many of those opinions are in complete conflict. One doctor recommends antibiotics while other doctors oppose antibiotics and stress herbal treatments and other therapies. There is even suspicion and drama about whether lyme disease is a chronic condition. I don't like drama!! I like straight facts with a definite plan on which everyone understands and agrees....the ambiguity of it all is tiring and stressful. So, when I was diagnosed with lyme disease I had NO idea what I was about to encounter. I just wanted an easy answer with a straight forward treatment. Instead, I was hit with a million conflicting opinions and complete horror stories of people who have never regained their health. I must admit...when I did not regain my health, and the months became years...I began to lose hope. I lost hope that I would make a full recovery...hope that I would ever live without pain or return to the life I once knew.<br /><br />As my hope slipped away. I was sliding into despair. One day, I was standing in my kitchen...it is a moment I will never forget. I was crying out in my heart to God. I was saying, "God, I can't do this...I just can't do this anymore...please help me." At that very moment, God put a question in my heart. "Ronda, can you do this moment, this second...not two seconds from now, not two minutes from now...can you do just this moment?" I pondered the question. Somehow, a weight had been lifted. It seemed tolerable and manageable. I felt the grace and strength for that one moment. I began to cry, and I replied, "Yes, I can do this moment only if you are with me...only if you sustain me." "I don't know if I can do seconds from now, but I can do this moment." Then, the thoughts came, "You don't need to worry about grace or hope for two seconds, two minutes or two hours from now. Just let me hold you in this moment and I will take care of the the rest of your moments too." It was there...in that place...in that exchange...that I realized I could only walk this road clinging to my Savior one moment at a time.<br /><br />I was much like Peter walking on the water. There was nothing under me to catch me, and I was walking through a storm. I could walk on the water...as long as I had my focus on Jesus, but when I started looking at all the waves of my circumstances and all of the uncertainty about my future, I started to sink into hopelessness and despair. It was only when I turned to Him with complete trust for ALL of the moments of ALL my days that the cloud of despair lifted and hope returned.<br /><br />I have to tell you there is a sweetness to life when there is nothing to catch you...no where to go...and you put your complete trust in God. My hope was no longer based on whether I regained my health or the circumstances around me changed. Being healthy (as much as I want it) is not my reward...not the basis for my hope. My hope is in the fact that I am not alone. He will never leave me. I can walk in His loving presence one moment at a time knowing one day I will not dwell in this temporary body, but a spiritual body in the presence of my God. Heaven is my hope. <br /><br />Last winter was a dreadful winter. We had more snow than I have see in in my entire life. It was aweful!! In my garden, under the 20 inches of snow, I had a garden stone that said, "HOPE." I had put it in my garden the previous summer to remind me of "my hope." After a snow storm, my husband walked through the garden with the snow waist-high, and unknowingly stepped on the "hope stone." Weeks later, when the snow melted, I found my hope stone...fake stone "shattered." I was a little distraught...I had become attached to this tangible reminder of hope. Then, I began to laugh and teased my husband that he had "shattered my hope." Days later, the thought came to me....my fake stone is a good representation of all the things on which we base our hope in this world. They can all be shattered, and they can all be taken away. God is the true Rock on which I can stand. A place where I can place my hope and it will never be shattered. May my hope always be in the Lord.<br /><br />(Psalm 33:20-22) "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." <br /><br />(Psalm 92:15)..."The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in Him."<br /><br />(Psalm 42:11)"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-54242750720226722752011-02-28T16:34:00.000-08:002011-03-13T18:55:23.270-07:00The Gift of JoyAs 2007 turned into 2008, I became sicker and sicker. I was shuffled from doctor to doctor and no one could tell me why I was so weak, in pain, had flu symptoms, fevers, chills, ect... During that time I was gradually stripped of all my activities. My world was becoming very small. My "quality of life" was changing. I wasn't able to do all of the things wives and mommys do. I was becoming more dependent on my sweet husband and friends. I didn't have choices...the choice to go to the store or for a walk or to the mailbox. My life had so drastically changed. I remember thinking, "I am breathing, but I feel as though I am only partially alive." It was as if I didn't have as "much" life as the healthy people around me because I couldn't "do" all of things I once could do. I remember wondering, "When will I get my life back." Then, the thought came to me..."Wait a minute! I have my life...I may not be strong, but I am just as "ALIVE" as the person who can work a full day and take care of errands too! I can no longer measure my quality of life by what I can 'do.' I will be alive until I take my last breath...so I need to savor every bit of life I am given, and CELEBRATE the fact that I am ALIVE... and embrace the joy found in just...being." <br /><br />It was with this new sense of appreciation for life that I began to see my life differently. I had physically lost my strength...my ability to achieve. However, there was a new sense of "being"...the ability to taste life I had never understood before. I was no longer focusing on what I didn't have and so very thankful for what I have been given. I was enjoying the moments of my life...and with this came a new sense of joy...A JOY I had not understood. One night(when I was at my worst physically) I was having a simple dinner with my family, and I became so overwhelmed with a sense of joy!! It wasn't because I had fixed the perfect dinner or my children were using proper table manners or that I was physically better. It was as if I suddenly had eyes to see the beauty of what was right in front of me. It was pure joy to be present in the moment with my family... to bask in the sweetness of the love I felt. I thought, "I have sat in this same chair so many times...worried about getting 'to the next thing'...preoccupied...or demanding certain expectations". I was too sick to demand. I was just content to soak it in...I felt joy...the joy found in celebrating the fact that you are alive and able to <strong>be</strong> with those you love.<br /><br />It is no coincidence that God has this lesson for me. In November 2006, I wrote the following entry in my journal... " Today I had a moment when I felt happy and peaceful. I was truly enjoying the moment. I felt joy. It felt different. I noted it. It was as if a fog was lifted. I felt more fully alive. I often feel happy about things or for other people, but this wasn't about an event or a person this was just about me ...in my own skin...in the moment... Am I missing the boat? Life is too short to just make it through it...It's not that I am not happy, but so much of my life is marked by the emotional state of enduring, making it through the challenges and struggles of the moment or "phases of life." Today, I wasn't doing anything exceptional, I was running errands, but I wasn't struggling, striving, pushing toward anything. I was just willing to take the day as it came. I want to see life through this lens more often. A place of tasting, enjoying and savoring life...living in the moment and enjoying it." <br /><br />After I wrote this journal entry, my life went back to the normal "struggling and striving," but I became fascinated with the word joy and the word kept "popping up" in my life. It seemed as though I saw the word everywhere! I ask God to show me what it meant to truly have JOY. In the coming months, I purchased a plaque that had a quote by Mother Teresa. It says, "Joy is strength; Joy is prayer; Joy is love." I didn't understand what it meant, but I hung it in my kitchen, and I pondered it. Now, years later...it has true meaning. This is the joy I have come to experience. Joy is strength...no, not physical strength, but the strength to walk in God's grace moment by moment with Him...seeing the beautiful gifts in life He has for me. Joy is prayer...No, not the "lay me down to sleep prayer", but the cries of my heart that are comforted by His love and presence. Joy is love...No, not the love based on achievement or conditions, but the simple yet, profound love I experienced at the dinner table with my family a few years ago, and the everlasting, endless love of my Savior.<br /><br />No, my health and life are far from perfect I have moments of sadness, frustration and loss, but I long to never forget how <em>incredible</em> it is to still be breathing...taking in "moments" of my life, and the joy that comes with this perspecitve. Yes, I was striped of my health and my ability to "do", but I wasn't striped of my "quality of life." Infact, I was given the eyes to see the beauty of life, and I was given the gift of joy!Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-41873605960829994022011-02-21T20:30:00.001-08:002011-02-21T21:05:33.822-08:00Gotta tell the storyYes, I have had a nagging feeling for months that I "gotta tell the story." The story of my recovery, but more importantly the story of how I walked throught the darkest days of my life. Honestly, I haven't wanted to tell the story. Somehow, telling the story takes me back to it. It takes me back to the pain, the despair, the fear, the weakness, the rawness I felt for so long. I so desperately yearned for some sense of "normalcy" (whatever that is). Gradually, the normalcy came...I have regained a normal life. I feel as though I am on guard...watching carefully for anything that could threaten to steal or take away this mundane, regular, beautiful "normal" life. Telling the story is uncomfortable and yes, somehow, it threatens my urgency, desire...my longing for normal. <br /><br />However, there is a consistent feeling that I have left something undone. My heart is not at rest and it will only be satisfied by listening...just doing what I feel God wants me to do. I recently shared this, "gotta tell the story" feeling with a group of women with whom I regularly meet for Bible Study. A dear friend said to me, "Ronda, when you came back from treatment in Reno you didn't look like yourself and I cried. Now, your are 'back' and you have come so far. I think your story could be helpful to anyone going through your experience." I took her words to heart. She is right...there is a story to tell.<br /><br />It's not that I want to forget this chapter. (Infact, I am still in this chapter...I just had an MRI and a dr. appt today...taking more meds and trying new regimens. I am still recovering.) I have learned some of the most amazing lessons of my life. I have learned to live and see life in ways I NEVER want to forget...I never want to lose these lessons. Maybe, this is part of the urgency to tell my story. If I write down the lessons learned, maybe, just maybe, they won't be so quickly lost. I don't want to forget...I always want to be connected to the beauty that has come from the darkness.<br /><br />So, with a new resolve and purpose...and by God's grace...I am ready. I am ready to reflect, cry, feel and look back on the darkness...not as a threat to my desire for normalcy, but as a way to write about God's incredible love and sustaining grace during an incredibly dark chapter of my life. I have no idea what will be shared. I don't have an agenda. I just gotta tell the story.Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-50287449512253744022010-02-13T18:53:00.000-08:002010-02-13T19:56:26.065-08:00Cutting out spare partsSeveral months ago, my primary care physician became concerned about the chronic neutropenia(low white bloods cell count)I have experienced over the last few years with fever and night sweats. He referred me to a hematologist who ordered several blood test as well as a CAT scan to rule out lymphoma. Thankfully, I was given the wonderful news that my CAT scan was clear, and I don't have lymphoma. However, the question remains...why are my white blood cells so low? <br /><br />I have been told it can be due to infection, cancer or something inhibiting the bone marrow from producing enough white blood cells. The hematologist seems to think it is likely due to infection. So, the quest is on to eliminate infection, and see if this will help. One known infection is lyme disease. The other suspects....my tonsils and gallbladder.<br /><br />Along with my jaw and teeth issues, I have battled tonsillitis. If they could cut off my head, I would be fine!! About a year ago, Dr.Z warned me that I might need a tonsillectomy. Even though a tonsillectomy isn't a major surgery, I was recovering from two oral surgeries, and I wasn't thrilled about the idea of someone cutting "anything" out of my mouth. I hoped that more treatment would spare my tonsils.<br /><br />Well, after many rounds of antibiotics and infected tonsils, I finally relented and had a tonsillectomy yesterday. The ENT warned me that the surgery is more painful for adults than for children. I am here to tell you...percocet is my new best friend! Swallowing isn't my favorite thing to do, but a necessary evil. If this entry is not coherent, it's the percocet talking! The other strange discomfort is my tongue. Last night I noticed it was swelling and numb. At first, I was concerned I might be having an allergic reaction to something (Imagine that! 'Me,' having an allergic reaction). I made a midnight phone call to the doc. The doc said they put my tongue in a vice during surgery, and it is not an uncommon reaction for the tongue to swell or be numb. Forget my tonsils; my poor tongue must have taken a beating!<br /><br />As far as the gallbladder, I had a HIDA scan (a nuclear medicine study that tests the function of the gallbladder), and it showed that my gallbladder is not working very well. My GI Doctor said this can cause a backup of bile and inflammation or infection. My digestion has been pretty pitiful for three years, and I knew I had gallbladder issues, but the HIDA scan made it clear that my gallbladder is one of the likely culprit to my digestive issues. It appears that it needs to be taken out as well! I have an appointment with my surgeon next week to discuss a cholecystectomy as soon as possible.<br /><br />Maybe I will be new person after getting rid to these spare parts! Dr. Z is ordering biopsies from a special lab to find out what microbes might be living in my tonsils and gallbladder. Infact, I took a special biopsy kit when I had my tonsillectomy, and I brought home one of my tonsils...It is in my frig awaiting a FED EX delivery on Monday! I'll let you know if they find anything!<br /><br />Happy Valentines Day!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-46430775610539429612010-01-06T09:25:00.000-08:002010-01-06T18:27:49.839-08:00"Where do tornadoes live?"Before my health deteriorated so badly, I was a member of a bible study, and we were studying a book called, "Living Life on Purpose." It is a great book that talks about writing out priorities and goals, and living your life accordingly. I must confess...my life was a continual spin. I felt like I did nothing but respond to the "crisis of the moment" on most days. I had a general "outline for my life" but no real plan. I went from task to task, and I was just hanging on tight for the ride...so this book and the concepts appealed to me. Even though I went through all of the steps of writing out my "purpose statement" and goals, I am not sure much changed....even though I wanted it to...badly. I wanted to live each day "on purpose", but it was slipping through my fingers.<br /><br />Then...within a few short months, I was no longer able to spin like a top and put out the fire of the moment. I could hardly get out of bed. It was then...that the craziness stopped...it had to. I had no choice. It is amazing how this brought clarity to my life. If I could just manage to make dinner and dress myself, I was happy. When all the noise and activity was stripped away, I could see my priorities clearly. When the option of going to Target or cleaning the house was gone, what mattered most? I had made it so difficult, and yet it was so very simple. My priorites?...All that really mattered was my relationship with God, and being a wife to my husband and a mommy to my children. <br /><br />Being ill day after day, month after month, I began to see my mortality in a different light. I had always been relatively healthy and didn't think about my mortality very often. However, I was realizing that I am not so indestructible. My faith in God meant more than ever...knowing that I have a home in heaven when I die through the death of Christ and His gift of salvation brought such peace. With that said...while I am here on earth, it is a sobering reality to see that health and life are fragile and not just a given "right." They can be taken at any time. It is a gift to be able to be a mom to my children...to be a part of those golden moments...to teach them, to love them, to correct them. I want to "see" the gift that it is....I want to savour it. I don't want to miss it because I am trying to get my "to do list" finished. Don't get me wrong...there are other things besides being a mother and wife that I would like to accomplish, but I don't want to spin like a top anymore. I want to be "fully" available for the those golden moments with my family. <br /><br />Last night, I realized I was having one of those "moments" with both of my children. I walked by the bathroom as Seth was brushing his teeth, and at a glance, I realized that his face is changing...he is growing. Yes, I know they grow, but I could see it! The thought came....savour this moment. He won't always be your little boy brushing his teeth in the next room. What a cool thing to see him grow!<br /><br />Then, I went to Raegan's room to do our bedtime routine and she asked me, "Mommy, where do tornadoes live?" I tried to explain the little I know about how they develop...then, I saw a look of fear in her eyes...she didn't need to know about tornadoes. She saw The Wizard of Oz for the first time last week, and she just needed to know mommy could protect her from a tornado. We cuddled and talked about our "safe" basement, and she was fine once she knew she could bring all of her dolls and stuffed animals along if there was ever a tornado. Her body immediately relaxed, and she was ready to fall asleep. This is what I want more than anything...to tell her "where tornadoes live," and help chase away her fears. My priorities?...What I want to accomplish in life?....It's not so complicated after all. <br /><br />As I get stronger, and cleaning house or shopping is an option, I am fighting the winds of busyness that so easily rob me of the golden moments that are right in front of me. May I continue to have eyes to see them.<br /><br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-8159171147334635792009-12-01T18:57:00.000-08:002010-01-06T09:20:28.459-08:00The Good, Bad, Ugly and the Crazy!The last time I blogged, I promised to give more details about my recovery process over the last year. So, here it is...the good, bad, ugly and the CRAZY! As you will see, I had to go through the bad, ugly and crazy to get to the good!<br /><br />The "Bad"...<br />As I mentioned, the summer was a blurr, and before I knew it there were signs of fall. I was feeling a bit stronger and seeing <em>some</em> improvements...I was hopeful! However, it was the case of "two steps forward and three steps back." Things really went "Bad!" By late September, I started having severe weakness, fevers, flu-like symptoms, cardiac symptoms and gallbladdar issues. In addition, insomnia and night sweats were at an all time HORRIBLE! The Lunesta I was taking no longer worked and I was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night which was interrupted by drenching night sweats. I was in a vicous cycle. The less I slept the sicker I felt, and the sicker I felt, the less I slept. On several occasions, I went three days in a row without sleep. I felt like I was in a nightmare!<br /><br />Then, a new symptom emerged...a toothache. Honestly, I thought, "This is the VERY LEAST of my worries!" I had a root canal on one of my front teeth (No.9) in May, 2007, (interestingly enough, this is about the time my health started to really decline.), and it was this same tooth that was hurting. At first, I ignored it...but toothaches don't just go away, and eventually, it had my <strong>full</strong> attention! After many, many doctor appointments and opinions, it was determined that there was no way to save my beloved front tooth! Infact, an oral surgeon pulled my front tooth "on the spot"...to put me out of my misery...and with my compromised immune system and cardiac symptoms he was concerned about my risk for endocarditis. <br /><br />The "Ugly"...<br />Because of the emergent tooth extraction, I was left WITHOUT a front tooth, for TEN days, until my temporary tooth could be made. It has been said, "Vanity is cheap, and the first thing to go when you are sick!" It is true! All I cared about was getting well...I would have let the dr. pull every tooth in my head if I knew it would make me better! Oh well, I had one consolation...it was the Halloween season, and I was the perfect model for the jack-o-latern we carved!<br /><br />The tooth extraction alleviated the tooth ache...and I had hoped that getting rid of an infected tooth would help my other symptoms...but my other symptoms were not improving. Infact, things were getting worse. The oral surgeon prescribed penicillin after the extraction, and it was causing pain in my jaws... and my teeth were horribly discoloring! My dentist was stumped! She had never seen penicillin discolor teeth in this way! I knew there had to be more to this picture...but what? Why was I having jaw pain? No one seemed to know.<br /><br />Then...I remembered one of the books I read over the summer. It addressed the fact that people with compromised immune systems can develop necrotic bone/infections/cysts/osteomylitis in the cavitations where teeth have been extracted (such as wisdom teeth)or compromised. I remember reading this and thinking, "This is totally irrelevant to me. I have one surface cavity...I don't have any dental issues!" Now, I was beginning to wonder if this was an important part of my recovery. Could I have infection in my jaws? During my Reno treatment, I developed strange brown demarcation lines on some of my molars which none of the doctors had ever seen before. They didn't seemed concerned....so, I just ignored it. Now, I was wondering if the treatment I received in Reno was "going after" infection in my jaws. Was this was an important clue, sign...my body trying to tell me something?<br /><br />The "CRAZY"...<br />With all of this going on, I was feeling desperate for a local doctor who could help me put all the pieces of this crazy puzzle together. Well, within days of becoming toothless, my prayer was answered. I was accepted as a patient by Dr. Singleton, a highly regarded doctor who wrote the book, "The Lyme Solution." During the appointment, I explained my dental/jaw concerns...I still had not received my temporary tooth so he could easily SEE the evidence for himself! I asked him about the possibility of a jaw infection. He thought is was plausible, and he referred me to a specialist. Dr. Singleton summed up my visit by saying, "You are one of the more complicated cases of lyme I have ever seen." GREAT!....not a distinction I wanted to hear! <br /><br />I immediately saw the specialist, and he ordered a spiral CT scan of my jaws. After reviewing the scan, he diagnosed me with osteomylitis where my wisdom teeth were extracted yrs. ago, and at the site of my front tooth. I was scheduled for two surgery dates to remove the infection. I kept thinking..."Okay, this is the CRAZY!" Who would of ever imagined I had this huge infection brewing? I am so thankful that God put the right book in my hands so I would know the questions to ask and have some idea of what was happening to me. I am also thankful that He gave me the right doctor to give me the appropriate referral...exactly when I needed it!!<br /><br />On November 10, 2008, I had my first surgery to remove necrotic bone in my right lower jaw. I learned to "drink" my meals....thank God for blenders. Have you ever tried to drink pureed food with gauze in your mouth? Not so great! However, I slowly began to see significant improvement in my symptoms. I knew I was on the right track! <br /><br />On January 6, 2009, I had my second surgery, and they removed necrotic bone from my left bottom jaw as well as infection/cysts from the site where my front tooth was extracted. The surgeon said he was surprised at the amount of infection he had to remove. Somehow, I was NOT surprised at all!!<br /><br />The "Good"...<br />In the midst of my surgeries, I began seeing a second lyme specialist, Dr. Zackrison (affectionately known as Dr. "Z"). Again, the timing was perfect and her experience and expertise with this disease have been exactly what I need. She told me jaw/teeth/head & neck infections are some of the more difficult to treat with lyme patients. She prescribed IV therapy every 2-3 weeks with other meds and herbs, and I am definitely seeing improvement. I still have some chronic head & neck issues (a tonsilectomy may be in my future), fatigue and insomnia. However, my discolored teeth are gradually turning back to normal, and the color of my real front tooth finally matches the color of my temporary tooth. (Doesn't take much to make me happy!) My sleep isn't perfect but I do sleep, the night sweats are significantly improved, and the flu-like symptoms are sooo much better! Dr. Z is hopeful that within a year I can possibly "clear" the lyme!!!!<br /><br />In a "nutshell," I have greatly improved. Infact, I feel so good...I have to be careful to not overdo it...because it will catch up with me. I am just thankful to be "mom" again, participate in family activities, work one day a week, attend church and volunteer at the children's school. Not that success is measured by "what" I can do, but it shows how much stronger my body is compared to one year ago. I am also thankful for all I have learned!! Dealing with this disease has radically changed how I view life!! Believe it or not...it has been worth every step of the the bad, ugly and crazy to get to the good! How very grateful I am for the "good."<br /><br />Until next time...love to all!<br /><br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-28092904676334882462009-11-03T23:00:00.000-08:002009-11-04T18:15:09.035-08:00Breaking the SilenceWow! It has been a long time since I sat down to write. Has it really been seventeen months since I posted "Going Green?" The silence has truly been a reflection of my life these many months. My intention was to come home from treatment and return to the hustle and bustle of "life as normal." However, life has been far from normal. Instead, I feel like I have been turned inside out. It has been a time of waiting, listening, learning, and digging deep. In the midst of it all, I have learned many things about myself, my faith and how difficult it is to regain one's health when fighting chronic lyme disease. There is SO MUCH I want to write about in this blog, but it would be overwhelming to write or read. For now, I will update you on my medical progress, and reserve all of the many details and "lessons" I am learning for future entries.<br /><br />My treatment in Reno was very helpful. The treatment was an intense "jump-start" toward recovery, and a HUGE part of reversing the tide. I am not sure where I would be had I not received those weeks of treatment. After treatment, the fibromyalgia pain and numbness were gone, and I was extremely thankful!! It was so encouraging to see improvement and signs of hope. However, before I left Reno, they told me, "You are much improved, but you are still fighting lyme disease"..... and they were right. Although I had seen progress, within days of returning home, I was struggling with flu-like symptoms, lymphnode pain, fatigue, headaches, stomach issues, night sweats, insomnia and extreme weakness. The <em>entire </em>summer feels like a blurr. I could hardly get out of bed on most days. It took everything I had just to prepare meals. It became very clear...this was going to be a longer road than I had expected.<br /><br />As I struggled with these symptoms, I began searching for a local doctor and discovered two things: most lyme doctors were not taking new patients and none of the doctors (and many treatments) were not covered by insurance. I wasn't sure where to turn. I was having difficulty finding a lyme specialist, and feeling pretty desperate. However, God (who specializes in the impossible) <em>was</em> there and in retrospect, I can see how He has guided me each step of the way. In the midst of uncertainty, I am so thankful I have had a place to turn. A place to trust when I didn't know the way.<br /><br /><br /><p>While I waited and searched for a local doctor, I continued my detox regimen of juicing, colonics and sauna. In addition, I continued acupuncture, stayed in close contact with Dr. Fong (through phone consultations) and gave myself injections prescribed by Dr. Fong's practice. I also tried Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) a few times. (It is effective against lyme....but it is cost prohibitive and not covered by insurance...sound familiar?) Oh yea, and I rested, and rested some more. I became one with my bed.... I was so weak; it was all I could do. While I rested, to keep myself amused, I read all the books I could find on lyme and the immune system. I learned so much. Some of the books I read have proven to be crucial in helping me navigate through this crazy thing called, "recovery." </p><p>Last fall, I was finally able to begin seeing several different local doctors who continued to help me put the pieces of the puzzle together, and I am feeling so much better these days. I have to say, it did get worse before it got better, and I am not completely back to "normal." However, I am able to take care of my family, work one day a week and feel strong enough to participate in family activities. It is wonderful!!! </p><p>I will write about the details of the last year next time. Now that I am feeling better, I plan to write much more often. I feel like I still have a story tell, and so much to share....</p><p>For now, I want to close by thanking everyone who has helped me get through these difficult months. We have had help with everything from childcare, meals, transportation to dr. appts., house cleaning, shoveling snow, carpooling to school and activities to financial help. I cannot say enough "<em>thank yous</em>" to equate the love and support we have received! I specifically want to say, "thank you," to Susan Beckworth, Laurel Jenkins, Amy Little, Angel Voggenreiter, Kathy Drago, Debbie Tritle and Julie Villa for organizing a silent auction, as well as other events (book sale, creative memories party, ect..) to raise money to help offset our expenses. It was a tremendous amount of work! I was so touched by your willingness to give of your time and energy!!! THANK YOU!! Also, thank you to all of the donors who donated your services, items, trips and food to be auctioned! Lastly, thank you to everyone who attended the auction as well as the other events! I am truly amazed!</p><p>As if all of this was not enough....there is more! I have the most incredible friends in the world! These same ladies also sent letters to their family and friends and shared my story. The response was an outpouring of prayer and love! During those dark days of summer, day after day, I was encouraged as I opened cards and received encouragement and financial gifts from so many friends, neighbors and people across the country whom I have never met! It was a daily dose of hope! I was so humbled that you would take the time to write and encourage me. Words truly cannot describe how you ministered to me in my time of need. Those cards have been read over and over again. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being an instrument of love, hope and encouragement.</p><p></p><p>Until next time...</p><br /><p>Ronda</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Rondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-43285546290514324512008-06-07T20:11:00.000-07:002008-06-10T20:36:27.554-07:00Going GreenI have been home a little over two weeks, and I have made some progress but it has been painfully slow in my book. Last weekend, in my desperation to figure out why I relapsed so badly, I started reading a book Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Fong</span> recommended to me called The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ph</span> Miracle. The book discusses the benefit of keeping the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ph</span> in our body more alkaline and how acidity stresses the body and immune system. My gastrointestinal tract is so acidic and uncomfortable that I became very interested in their thoughts about how to make the body more alkaline. In addition, the program is suggested in order to help detox the body of toxins. Since my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">lymph nodes</span> hurt so badly and I know I am still fighting a systemic candida infection...it caught my attention. Could it help me get rid of my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">lymph node</span> pain and flu-like symptoms?<br /><br /><br />The first step of the program is a green veggie juice fast for three to ten days in order to raise the body's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ph</span>. Right then and there I thought...I can't even stand the smell of carrot juice. How could I survive on the juice of green <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">vegt</span>??!! Again, let me emphasize the word <em>desperate</em>. At this point, I will do anything to feel better. I decided I would go on a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">vegt</span>. frenzy the very next day. However, the next day I was so weak I could hardly get dressed. I knew grocery shopping for this quantity of green veggies was out of the question. Then, a dear friend offered to do my shopping and deliver the groceries (thank Deb!). Within hours, the veggies where in the house and the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">vegt</span>. fast was on. It was worth a shot! My little boy opened the refrigerator and said, "Mommy, our refrigerator is all green!" Green veggies were everywhere!<br /><br /><br /><br />For four days I juiced more green and yellow <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">vegt</span>. than I have probably eaten in my entire life. I only saw small improvements at first (such as less acid in my stomach). Over the last five days, I have been adding more things back to my diet and gradually feeling less and less <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">lymph node</span> pain. I am continuing the juice as well as eating meals, and believe it or not, I am beginning to like the juice!<br /><br /><br /><br />While I have been juicing, I have also been reading more and more about the immune system and liver. I had hepatitis C for seven years (I went through interferon treatment in 2005, and no longer have a viral load), and at the clinic, they told me on several occasions, "your liver is very sensitive." That was part of the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">explanation</span> for my body being "sensitive" to many of the medications and supplements. In my reading, I am learning that there are specific enzymes the liver uses to breakdown toxins in order for them to be taken out of the body. There are times, due to prolonged sickness, stress, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">ect</span>. the body may not produce enough of these enzymes to break down toxins. Consequently, the toxins are reabsorbed into joints and tissues and causes fatigue, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">fibromyalgia</span> and pain as well as a host of other symptoms. This caught my attention! Could this be part of my problem? Based on blood work and my biopsy report, my liver is not "damaged." However, it certainly has been through the wringer!<br /><br />Last week, as I was shopping at Whole Foods for another load of green <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">vegt</span>., I happened to go down the book aisle. I noticed a book titled DETOX in bold, huge letters. It caught my attention, but I kept walking and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">thought</span> to myself. "I don't look at random books in grocery stores for advice"....but couldn't get it out of my mind. I really felt like God was saying, "Go back and look at that book!" I turned the cart around and went against my "cardinal rule." I picked up the book, and opened it to a random page. The subtitle of the paragraph on the page was, "Do you have a sluggish liver?" I almost laughed out loud! I replied....evidently! The book gave details about the specific enzymes the liver uses to break down toxins and suggested eating specific vegetables in order to replenish these enzymes. I took inventory of my cart and went back to the produce section for the ones I was missing. Not only did I buy more vegetables, I bought the book too! How could I forget the verse Matt 6:26 that says God will take take care of us like He feeds the birds? I guess that includes helping me with my grocery list!<br /><br />In addition to the "green" diet, I have continued lymphatic drainage, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">colonics</span> and I started <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">acupuncture</span> this week. It was pretty crazy having little needles sticking out everywhere but it wasn't bad. By the way, the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">acupuncture</span> doctor said, "You are a complicated case, and I think one of your root issues is your liver." Hum....haven't I heard that somewhere before?<br /><br />Somehow I knew arriving home was only a new beginning toward recovery, I think my instincts were right. There is much to learn, and much to heal.<br /><br />I must go...time for another green drink!<br /><br />Love to all,<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-71619446539275501582008-05-30T22:00:00.000-07:002008-06-07T20:11:40.889-07:00I am home!Greetings from Virginia! I am home, and so happy to be with my family. When Chris and I arrived home last Friday night, Chris' parents, Bob & Maxine, were here to greet us with lots of hugs and love! (Thank you Bob and Maxine for helping us in so many ways! We love you!) The kids were asleep so I kissed their heads and watched them sleep for awhile (aren't they angelic ....when they are sleeping!)<br /><br />Chris, I and the kids spent the rest of the weekend enjoying the fact that we are all in the same house together! One of the dearest "welcome home" gestures I received was from Seth. He sang and played, on his guitar, a song he called, "Welcome Home Mommy!" (He owns the copyright to it too!). It was incredibly sweet...one of the sweetest songs I have ever heard!<br /><br /><p>Since I have been home, several people have asked me the obvious questions, "How are you now?" "Do you still have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lyme</span>?" During my last day of treatment, I had those questions answered. They took another sample of blood to view under the microscope (in order to have a before and after comparison), and the sample showed a very <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">significant</span> decrease in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">lyme</span>. However, I still have some work to do! The first slide showed about 30 cells infected with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">lyme</span> and there were only about 5 cells infected on the second slide! Yea!! They also saw toxins in my blood...after six weeks of detoxing regularly, I still have toxins! A few of the injections I am taking at home will help to continue decrease the amount of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">lyme</span> in my body. The other big concerns remain my food allergies, gastrointestinal tract/parasite, fatigue, occasional heart palpitations, insomnia and the candida issue.<br /></p><br /><p>Since I have been home, my level of energy and strength has not been as good as it had been in Reno. I am also experiencing flu-like symptoms once again. I am surprised, and disappointed. I don't know if the stress of adjusting to home is hitting me hard, or if I am doing something unknowingly that is weakening my body, or if it is the fact that my body is still fighting infections (but I don't have the luxury of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">IV's</span> to keep the toxins flushed out of my system). I talked to Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Fong</span> a few nights ago, and he said it could be any or all of the above reasons. It will continue to take time to heal.</p><br />One of the possibilities is something I haven't really talked about. When I was tested for food allergies, I was also tested for seasonal and chemical allergies. I don't have seasonal allergies but I am allergic to two pesticides and a chemical called <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">PVP</span>/<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Povidone</span>. It is found in a variety of things from laundry detergent, hairspray, ink jet printing, photo processing paper, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">textile</span> dyes. I didn't take the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">PVP</span> allergy too seriously. I stopped using hairspray (health is winning over vanity!), changed <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">laundry</span> detergents and didn't think anything else about it.<br /><br />After sleeping the first night, at home, in my bed, I woke up significantly weaker and with pain I haven't experienced in several weeks. I was trying to think of ALL the possible reasons. Then, it hit me....last year, I purchased a new (red)bedspread and curtains (around the time I started having more symptoms). Could the bedspread (textile dye) have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">PVP</span> in it? Could I be allergic to my bedspread and curtains? Then, I saw a million things in my house that could be tainted with "textile dye"....including my clothes! (If I am wearing a white robe the next time you see me, you will know the reason!) Just call me "bubble girl!" In my quest to figure out why I am having these symptoms, we are trying to decrease possible <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">PVP</span> exposure, and follow all of the doctor's recommendations.<br /><br />I must admit, I have been rather discouraged and disappointed the last few days. I have made progress, but I feel as though I have taken ten steps forward and five steps back. As I was brewing over my disappointment this morning, I checked my e-mail, and received this week's lesson plan for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Raegan's</span> class at church. There was a paragraph that spoke directly to me. It said, "Through every trial and tribulation, it is hard to remember that God's love is being poured out upon us. Often, we wonder why God would allow something bad to happen. Yet God's intent is to build into our lives the ability to stay the course and develop strong character, so that we can REST in the assurance that God has us in the very palm of His hand." Those words were intended for my four year old, but they touched the heart of this forty year old!<br />He is still walking with me.<br /><br />Have a wonderful weekend.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />Ronda<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I talked with Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Fong</span> on the phone a few nights ago, and he said it could be due toRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-37721000058011620472008-05-22T16:01:00.000-07:002008-05-30T15:52:44.421-07:00Springs in the DesertOne day, 4 hours and thirty <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">minutes</span> until I land on Virginia soil....can you tell I am watching the clock? As I come to the end of my stay and treatment in Reno, I can't help but reflect on the time I have spent here and all of the incredible things I have learned and experienced. It has been a healing experience physically, emotionally and spiritually. It has been quite a ride...one I will never forget. Earlier in the week, as I was having a reaction to my push (it was a good one!), I was thinking about this healing experience, and I had a moment of clarity. In order to fully explain, I must take you back to last year.<br /><br />During March, 2007, I came across a few verses in the Bible that puzzled me. (There are many things in the Bible that puzzle me but this was the puzzle of the hour.) The verses are Psalm 84:5-6 "Blessed (happy) is the man whose strength is in the Lord; in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Baca</span></span> they make it a place of springs..."<br />For some reason I could not get these verses out of my head, nor could I fully understand their meaning. I was so curious; It became a challenge. I even looked up the key words in Hebrew (I know! I am a "geek." You can say it!) but I still couldn't completely "get" it. As I was laying in bed, during a push, (too weak to move) the meaning of these verses became very clear to me. This is what came to me...<br /><br />"Blessed (happy) is the man whose strength is in the Lord.."<br />I have been striped of strength; my ability to care for my husband and children, my ability to work, my ability to control what goes in my body (and what comes out!), my ability to sleep, even my ability to get dressed and showered on some days. I have needed His strength because I have none of my own. I am a "human-female" full <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">of fears</span>, doubts and insecurities, and in my weakest times, He has been my strength. I have reached out to Him because I needed Him so desperately and He met me in the middle of my weakness.<br /><br />"In whose heart are the highways to Zion!"<br />It is this place of weakness that has been my "highway", my way, to Zion. ("Zion" is the place God dwells or God's presence) It has been my highway to depend on Him and His presence like never before.<br /><br />"Passing through the valley of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Baca</span></span> (sorrow), they make it a place of springs..."<br />Reno is a valley with desert terrain and mountains all around! I am a visual learner...how much more visual can you get! Being in this valley, in pain and need, I have found a place of springs.."Water" in the desert. How incredible that Jesus says, " I am the Living Water...drink of me and you will never thirst again." (Another verse that has puzzled me...How do I drink from Jesus? Maybe, I am a little too visual) This "Water" is the same Jesus who I asked to forgive my sins and come into my life as a child. He is now close and offering me water, His presence, in the midst of my sorrow. I have to tell you, I have tasted and it is sweet!<br /><br />I am not a theologian and obviously a slow learner. (I am not sure I will be so curious in the future!) God had to take great lengths to show me the meaning of these verses, but you know, I wouldn't go back! These verses have helped me to see a meaning beyond my recovery. It will forever be imprinted on my heart, and I will never be the same!<br /><br /><br />Thank you for <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">indulging</span> me as I have rambled on, these last six weeks, about pushes, needles, body fluids and the like! I have been very honest about this road (I guess "torture" can make you pretty honest!), and you have been very gracious to keep reading. As I prepare to go home, I don't feel like this road has ended. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Infact</span></span>, in many ways, I feel it is just beginning! I will be going home with daily injections, medication and a plan to take care of myself. I will also have a few 4-5 day follow- up treatments (at three months and six month) in Reno. I am glad to have a plan, and I do feel that I am on a "healing road."<br /><br />When I return home, I will continue to write about my recovery, and you are welcome to come along with me! I will try my best to update you as much as possible. Thanks again for your outpouring of love and support and for walking with me on this journey.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />Ronda<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />"Happy is the man whose strength is in the LordRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-83488883724364707232008-05-21T14:28:00.000-07:002008-05-21T16:08:05.594-07:00Food Allergies and moreTomorrow is my last day of treatment! It is hard to believe. I think it will be real when I am at home. As excited as I am about coming home, I must admit, I have been a little nervous. I know what to expect here and when I have a problem, I have a safety net...the clinic is only a few miles away. I have wondered what to expect when I go home.<br /><br />A few days ago, a new face appeared in the IV room. She is from NYC and went through five weeks of treatment in January for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lyme</span> disease. (She had neurological symptoms such as numbness and she was dragging her left leg. Since treatment, she is walking fine and no longer suffering from these symptoms! Isn't that incredible?!!!) She is back for a week of follow-up treatment. I told her I will be going home soon, and she said, "You will be taking it easy for awhile, Won't you?" I didn't dare tell her I was hoping to go back to work next week. I told her about my concerns when I get home, and she told me it took her three to four weeks to begin feeling stronger. As I continue to ask questions, I am being advised that rest is necessary to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">recuperate</span> from treatment and allow the immune system to continue to get stronger. So, I am rethinking things. I have decided to definitely take it easy for awhile, and let my body dictate my activity level. This is a journey, and I need to pace myself.<br /><br />With that said, I do feel better, and have times that I am free of symptoms. I am getting a taste of what it is like to feel good again. Because of this taste of "feeling good," I am noticing when symptoms come back. In the past, I have had so many symptoms, it has been difficult to know "what" was causing "what." On Sunday, I felt good, and after lunch, I started having a bad headache and fatigue. I noted it, but didn't know why it happened. Monday morning I woke up feeling really good. I ate breakfast (rice cakes, cashew butter and blackberries...this is what you eat in my world), and immediately, I had a headache and felt awful. Then it hit me, "Maybe, the food I am eating is causing the symptoms." I gathered samples of some suspicious foods and brought them to clinic. They tested me with the foods, and found that, yes indeed, I have developed more food <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">sensitivities</span>! Soon I will be eating tree bark....No, you don't have pests eating your trees...it is your starving neighbor!!<br /><br />Since my body is continuing to develop sensitivities, they have advised me to go on a rotation diet. With this diet, you rotate foods every four days so your body won't be as likely to develop <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">sensitivities</span>. (I only have four foods left so it shouldn't be too hard!) I also starting taking food allergy drops. The drops are suppose to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">desensitize</span> the body to foods so, over time, foods can be reintroduced. Unfortunately, I had a bad reaction to one of the food allergy drops today. I will take the drops my body can tolerate and give my immune system time to get stronger.<br /><br />With all of the new awareness of how foods are effecting me. Today, the doctor suggested I stay one more week to further "tweak" things for my food allergies. As you can imagine, I wasn't fond of that idea! After a few tears, and looking at all the options, I am still planning to come home. They are willing to work with me through phone and e-mail, and send me new things to try as I need them. I think getting home, and giving my body a break will be good medicine in itself!<br /><br />Push Update: I have had moderately strong reactions this week with fever and body aches, but by morning I feel good and I am ready for the day! I only have two more to go!<br /><br />I must share something that just happened as I have been writing. A patient, who is in a wheelchair, just walked with a walker. The whole clinic broke out in applause! How incredible!<br /><br />I will write tomorrow. My last blog from Reno...stay tuned!<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-58523838966016333432008-05-19T12:43:00.000-07:002008-05-19T13:49:43.992-07:00But You Don't Look SickHello everyone!<br /><br /><br />It is my sixth week, and I only have four more days of treatment! It really is hard to believe. I really get to go home on Friday!! The mention of home has never been more sweet to me!! How I have taken so many things for granted....the sound of my children's voices, the comfort of being with my husband, the ability to control my own schedule (without needles involved!), to clean my own house (am I really saying this?), to sleep in my own bed. I am so excited to get home. It is the same feeling I had as a child waiting for Christmas! It just can't come fast enough!<br /><br /><br /><br />It has been an incredible six weeks. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Infact</span>, life changing! I will miss the wonderful staff at the clinic. They really do care, and they have been so supportive. I will also miss the patients. I have met some wonderful people. They come from all walks of life, and from many different places. However, we all share one thing...the loss of health, and the road to recovery. They have had very long roads, and I have been inspired by their stories. Most of the patients are professional men and women (nuclear engineer, mortgage banker, teacher, attorney, school administrator, full-time moms) who are now disabled and unable to work because of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lyme</span> disease. They have all been through traditional therapies, and have come here seeking hope. It has been interesting to see the similarities in our symptoms and stories. It is affirming and comforting.<br /><br /><br /><br />Of course, we have had many conversations as we have watched our IV bottles drip. We haven't quite solved all of the world's problems, but I will get back to you on that one. I think we are close! Of all the conversations we have had, there is one conversation that has not left me, and I want to share it with you. Most of us have been told at one time or another, "But you don't look sick." We have talked about how hard it is to explain why one moment you feel fairly well, and the next moment you feel so fatigued you have to go to bed. Lyme disease (as well as many other chronic diseases,) is so different than having the flu or a cold. When you have an acute infection, you stop your life for a few days (unless you are a mommy!), you have that "sick" look and you go to bed. Within a few days, you feel better and resume your life. With <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">lyme</span> disease, you never know what you are going to get from day-to-day or even hour-to-hour.<br /><br /><br /><br />There is an article that was written by a woman who has lupus about this very topic. Her article is called "But You Don't Look Sick...The Spoon Theory." In this article, she quantifies the energy to complete task and live life into spoonfuls. A patient may wake up with six spoonfuls of energy/strength one day, and two the next. As one task is completed, (such as showering) one spoonful of energy is taken away. The trick is you must plan your entire day and all the things to be done, and you never know how many spoons you have for the day...but when they are gone, they are gone.<br /><br />The article and conversation with other patients has really helped me understand my own body. I was always frustrated, and never understood how I could feel okay when I woke up and ready to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">collapse</span> a few hours later. I just never knew if I would make it until 11:00AM, 2:00 PM or 5:30PM. This visual picture has given me a better understanding, and helped me to be more patient with my situation. Of course, I am hoping for and looking forward to the day when I will wake up with enough spoons to get me through the entire day, but until then, I will appreciate every spoon I get! <br /><br />This article is very good, and may help you understand anyone in your life who has a chronic illness. If you are interested in reading it, you can go to <a href="http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/">www.butyoudontlooksick.com</a>, and click on The Spoon Theory.<br /><br />I am off to get my push. By the way, Friday's reaction was mild, but I had less energy over the weekend. Feeling better today. I must have a few more spoons today!<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-37745622239296297782008-05-16T15:33:00.000-07:002008-05-16T17:10:56.496-07:005th Week Down, and Counting....I have officially finished my fifth week!! I will be home one week from today! I am getting very excited. I cannot wait to see my family and friends!! The end of this "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">stent</span></span>" of treatment is in sight! I am feeling so much better. I am ready to come home! I still have work to do, but the improvement I have seen is so encouraging. I am headed in the right direction. I have not felt any numbness and very little <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">fibromyalgia</span></span> pain this week. Also, my energy level (fatigue) continues to be so much better. They checked my central nervous system (through <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">acupuncture</span> points), and it is greatly improved as well!! The doctor looked at me and said, "You won't be in a wheelchair anytime soon." I am so thrilled to know my body is healing!! Next week, they will look at my blood again (under the microscope). I am very hopeful; I will see an improvement.<br /><br />This week has been full of more test, treatments and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dr</span>.'s appointments. My gastrointestinal tract is still of concern...not much improvement, yet. I had a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">gastrogram</span></span> on Thurs. I had to swallow a pill, and it transported information to a receiver about the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ph</span></span> (and other info) of my stomach and intestines. It was an interesting test! I will get the results on Monday. I'll let you know what I learn.<br /><br />I have also started colonic hydrotherapy treatments. Yes, it is a fancy name for what you are thinking! (I told you I am desperate to get better!) With this treatment, they were able to place <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">probiotics</span></span> (the good guys) directly into my large intestine. I am cheering them on!! I have also started taking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Nystatin</span></span> to kill the candida, and a few herbs to help kill the parasite. If the herbs don't do the trick, they will put me on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Flagyl</span></span>.<br /><br />Today, I am providing samples to check my hormone levels. (Like I said, they are testing everything!) To complete the test, I have to fill four vials with saliva throughout the day....no foam allowed. It is tricky! The hardest test I have had to complete so far. Who thought spitting could be so challenging!<br /><br />Push update: I experienced big reactions on Monday and Tuesday. On a scale of 1-10, they were an eight and nine. The good new...I was okay the next morning and felt fine all day! The last time I experienced that big of a reaction, I was very weak and unable to "recover" as quickly. My immune system is getting stronger!! On Wed. and Thurs., I had little reaction. I have asked them to give me a stronger dose today. I enjoyed the break, but I know the bigger reaction means I am getting rid of the bad boys. Hopefully, I will be standing tomorrow!<br /><br />Since it is Friday, I payed the clinic for all of my treatments this week. Thanks to you and all of the INCREDIBLE gifts we have received, once again, I was able to pay <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">everything</span> IN FULL!! I can't tell you how much your prayers, love and support mean to me. You have so blessed me and my family! Thank you!!!!!!<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-54456975063881439122008-05-12T14:12:00.001-07:002008-05-12T16:38:00.925-07:00A Mother's Day to RememberMother's Day...I must admit; I was not looking forward to it. I avoided thinking about it, and when I did think about my children and Mother's Day, I could tell a good cry was brewing. To celebrate the day, my sweet mother (who flew home on Saturday) left me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and my wonderful husband shipped me Mother's Day cards and all of the sweet letters each of you have sent to our home while I have been in treatment. I read the cards from my husband and children, and read each of the cards and letters you sent to me! I felt very loved and so appreciate all of the encouraging words and prayers!! Thank you!<br /><br /><br /><br />After enjoying my cards, things became very quiet. Then, came the tears. I was a pile of tears. The emotion was a good relief, but then, they became an avenue for my fears. As a mom, my biggest fear is not being there to care for and protect me children. My thought was, " I am not there for them today. Can I guarantee I will be there in the future?" I was griped with fear and all of the "what <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">if's</span></span>" that come with the unknown of the future. All of the sudden, the phone rang, and it was my friend, Laurel. She was just calling to say, "Happy Mother's Day," and check on me. I tried to fight back the emotion, but when I heard her voice, the tears flowed. She listened to me cry (it's not the first time she has done this!), and she said, "Ronda, Fear is F-False, E-Evidence, A-Appearing, R-Real. I knew she was right. I needed to live in the "reality" of today. I was trying to worry about tomorrow and a future I can't predict or control. We finished our conversation and then, my friend Debbie called. She was calling to see if I received a package she had sent several days before (the post office is also hard to predict.... I had not received it), and she encouraged me to get out and do something fun.<br /><br /><br /><br />When I hung up the phone, I decided to get out of my four walls and drive out to Lake Tahoe. I needed a change of scenery. On the way out, I stopped by the office to check on her package. They had it! I started to open it (the kids inside of me couldn't wait to open it), and then thought, "No, I'll wait until I get to Tahoe." I asked a woman in the office about the best way to get to Tahoe, and she was kind enough to give me pointers. Then, she said,"You should go to Jake's for dinner. They have great food." I thought, "I wish.... but with all of my food allergies, I will have to stick with the cashews and sunflower seeds I packed!"<br /><br /><br /><br />The ride to Lake Tahoe was incredible! I felt like I was being drawn into a postcard! It was beautiful, and a sense of adventure was building inside of me. Being surrounded by the beauty of nature and the mountains, I was being reminded that God is "walking" with me. I felt such a peace and sense of His presence! I couldn't wait to see the Lake.<br /><br /><br /><br />When I arrived in Tahoe, the first order of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">business</span></span> was to find a bathroom! The Lake had to wait! I entered a little downtown area and decided not to challenge my non-existent parallel parking abilities. I needed a bathroom with regular parking! I turned down a small, nondescript street, toward the lake, and right in front of me was a huge sign that said, "Jake's Restaurant." I started to laugh. I thought, "What are the chances that I would turn down the one street in all of Tahoe that leads into Jake's parking lot!" My next thought was, "God, am I suppose to eat here?" I was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes , and nothing had been done in the make-up or hair department. I was not planning on seeing or dining with anyone!<br /><br /><br /><br />I saw that Jake's was connected to a small indoor shopping mall. Shopping?? Now that's what the doctor ordered! I can shop in any condition! I went inside the mall to find a bathroom and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">souvenirs</span></span> for Chris and the kids. I walked into a clothing store, and quickly realized it was not a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">souvenir</span></span> shop. It was a woman's clothing store. I turned to leave, and then, I saw a "Sales" sign. Anyone that knows me well, knows I cannot turn down a good sale!! I looked through the sales rack and found a cute black top. It was 70% off! What a bargain! The sales lady asked if I would like to try it on....I couldn't offend her! I tried it on, and it fit and looked great! I thought, "Maybe I am suppose to have a Mother's Day dinner and I need to get dressed for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">occasion</span>! All of the sudden, I felt like I was in a reality show where the girl is taken to get fitted in a new outfit before an evening out! I was starting to get into it! I thought, "God I know you are walking with me, but are you also taking me out for the evening?" " Do you do that kind of thing!??"<br /><br /><br /><br />The top was cute and I was ready to buy it, but I looked down and the tennis shoes where not working for me! I couldn't wear the top with tennis shoes! <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Conveniently</span> enough, as I came out of the dressing room, I spotted a display of shoes across the store. I wandered over to shoes and my practical side was shouting..."This is crazy! What am I doing?" I looked at the shoes, and found the cutest pair of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">strappy</span></span> sandals. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Strappy</span></span> sandals are adorable, but on other people. I have very wide feet, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">strappy</span></span> sandals don't work for me! I picked them up and put them down again (several times!). Finally, I thought, "Just try them on, and get it over with!" I tried the pair on display, and they fit perfectly! I loved them! The sales lady said, "Since these are the display pair, I will give you 10% off. She was speaking my language! I walked out of there with an outfit for dinner! I changed into my outfit and rubbed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">chapstick</span></span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">lipliner</span></span> together for my lipstick. I was ready for dinner. I said, "Okay God, if you are orchestrating an evening for me, there has to be something I can eat on Jake's menu" I walked into the restaurant no longer feeling like the "patient" but a beautiful woman going to dinner.<br /><br /><br /><br />I was seated next to a window looking out over the lake and the mountains. It was incredible! I feasted on sesame encrusted bass, jasmine rice and veggies. It was perfect. I was soaking in the moment when my phone rang. It was my friend Debbie; the friend who sent me the package. I told her about my "evening out," and told her I finally received her package. She said, "You have to open it now." I had it in my purse so, I pulled it out and opened it up. In the package was a beautiful silver, handmade necklace. Attached to the necklace was a tag that said Matthew 6:26<em>. </em>The verses read, "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they, and why are you anxious about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that even Solomon in all of His glory did not clothe himself like one of these. But if God so arrays the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more do so for you, O men of little faith? Do not be anxious then saying, "What shall we eat? or what shall we drink or with what shall we clothe ourselves.....Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." <br /><br />Wow!! I was<em> </em>speechless! I was crying again but this time they were tears of joy. Yes, God was feeding me and clothing me. How incredible that he knows me (He knows all of us!), and cares for me! I can trust him with all of my tomorrows. He knows all of my days! I will never forget that evening, and the necklace will help me remember. The necklace is an oval pendant, and on the pendent, is a small bird with a crown on its head. It is beautiful and a perfect reminder! Thank you Debbie!<br /><br />After dinner, I found a quiet place on the lake to reflect and enjoy. It was very peaceful! I drove home with a new peace and deeper understanding that God is with me, and knows my needs (as well as my family's needs). Nothing is out of His hands.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5572103628160566447.post-76974982356425271752008-05-10T15:55:00.000-07:002008-05-10T16:56:37.634-07:00Party Push!Yesterday turned out to be a rather interesting day. I have fallen into a routine, and feel like I know what to expect at this point. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Infact</span>, I have found myself being the old-timer who gives advice to new patients. Well, just when you think you know what to expect....it changes! <br /><br />I had my usual IV treatment and decided to try something called, lymphatic drainage therapy. I was told it would help with my inner ear pain by draining the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lymphnodes</span> (in my neck), and relieving pressure in the ear. As I was having this done, I heard the staff talking about the fact that it was Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Fong's</span> Birthday. They were planning to have lunch and cake in his honor, and they were encouraging all of the patients to stay after their treatment to celebrate. I thought, "How nice! This is the most excitement I have seen in quite awhile....why not!"<br /><br />As we were singing Happy Birthday to Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Fong</span>, I started feeling unusually cold. I put on my jacket, and still felt cold. I sat down and covered myself up with a blanket but I only felt colder. Within minutes, I was shaking! Yes! I was having a reaction.....I had not yet received my push, but I was having a reaction. Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Fong</span> looked at me and said, "Are you okay?" I felt like saying, "I don't know! You tell me!" The staff piled blankets on me, and they where very caring. Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Fong</span> said, "You are controlling the shaking quite well." I just smiled, and said, "Thank you God!" Everyone ate their lunch and watched me shake! What a way to "shake-up" a party! Poor Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Fong</span>, he couldn't even celebrate his Birthday without tending to a patient! I heard a few of the new patients saying, "What's wrong with her?" I couldn't talk...I just had to laugh. <br /><br />It took about 30-40 minutes for the shaking to stop. (By the way, this reaction was still mild compared to the shaking I experienced last week.) Once everything calmed down, the doctor started to check everything in my IV to make sure it wasn't the culprit. They finally decided the lymphatic drainage therapy caused a "delayed" reaction. They said, "The culture can have immature cells that stay in your system, and continue to mature. When I had the lymphatic therapy, it released these cells into my circulatory system and caused a reaction." I don't think I will let anyone come near my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">lymphnodes</span> for a long time! I was able to drive home after three hours, and stayed in bed the rest of the day. <br /><br />I woke up this morning feeling good. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Infact</span>, I went to the grocery store and took my mom to the airport to fly home this morning, and I have energy to spare! I was completely wiped-out after picking her up from the airport two weeks ago. It is a noticeable difference! It appears, I have turned a corner! I know that I still have concerns to tackle, but I do feel better.<br /><br />Love to all!<br />RondaRondahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08713780195583061134noreply@blogger.com1