Shake and Bake!

I had my second push yesterday. I was warned my reaction to this push could be more severe than the first so I was bracing myself. The patients refer to the reaction as "Shake and Bake" because typically you get really cold and you shake... then, you spike a temperature and get very hot. Since I didn't "shake" the first time, I was hoping that would not be one of my symptoms. One hour after I was given the push, it happened. I started shaking...violently. I could not control my body or my breathing. I was gasping and shaking! I was scared, and thought, "I don't know if I can do this!" I was ready to take the medication to stop the reaction. Then, I remembered something one of the nurses told me. He said, "If you are shaking and having difficulty controlling your breathing, meditate...go to a happy place." As a counselor, I know the benefit of relaxation and focusing on a peaceful place so I thought....why not try it. I remembered the beautiful mountain scene God showed me last week so I focused on the beauty of that scene. However, it didn't work. I was still shaking, and I could not slow my breathing. I was getting desperate. Then, I thought..."God is walking with me...I am in His presence." It is that place in my heart where I know God's unconditional love, complete acceptance and forgiveness regardless of my imperfections. A place of love and grace for which I don't need to strive; it doesn't come from my goodness or effort. It is just a gift I have received. When I focused on this place, the shaking INSTANTLY stopped and my breathing was completely controlled. I thought, "This is amazing, but maybe a fluke...this can't be!" It just so happened the TV was on in my room, and Oprah was on..( I really wanted to turn it off because the noise was bothering me but I couldn't get up to turn it off) so I focused on Oprah for a minute and the shaking came back. (Sorry Oprah...you didn't do the trick!!) I went back to that place in my heart...and it stopped again! Each time I focused on something else, the shaking came back. I was a believer! I stayed with what I knew would calm my body. It lasted about an hour. Over the last several years, I have come to know the emotional healing of understanding God's love and grace, but it was amazing to see my physical body respond in such a powerful way! It has had a huge impact on me! I must admit sharing something this personal is a little daunting, but there is not way I could tell you about what happened yesterday without being completely honest about how I got through it. Wow! I am still amazed!

The shakes were followed by fever, headache, ear pain and some body aches. My fever broke about 2:00AM, and I woke up this morning with a normal temperature. I still have the headache but I am being assured it will go away. I did take a pain reliever this morning, but it didn't touch it!

During the hardest part of my reaction last night, Raegan and my mom were in the apartment (but Raegan did not know I was home) having a great time. As I lay there, I could hear her laugh, and it was awesome knowing she is happy and okay. She has such a precious laugh! Once I was able, "Mommy came home," and I tucked her into bed.

I just finished my IV therapy. I am headed home for lunch and plan to take Raegan to the park this afternoon. Then, I will come back to the clinic late this afternoon for my next push. It takes about an hour for the reaction to start so I will have time to get home and get in bed. Again, Raegan will be kept occupied by my mom until I can "come home" to tuck her into bed.

I have been told there was a fundraiser at Foster's Grille last night for me! I am completely overwhelmed and amazed at the generousity and support that has been poured out through friends, family and my community. Thank you to EVERYONE who went to Foster's last night, and, "Thank you" Foster's Grille!

Love,
Ronda