"Ronda, Just Soar"

My last blog was about hope. The fact is...the only way I have been able to hold onto hope is to stay in the moment with complete trust that GOD is holding me, and all my future moments, in His loving care. This new awareness and need for GOD in the moments of my life, has gradually turned into a continual dialogue with GOD about EVERYTHING that is happening (or in some cases not happening!) in my day no matter how little or how big.

In 2008, when I was at my worst, I couldn't even raise my arms to blow dry my hair. Believe me! There were ALOT of things that where "not happening." Do you remember my blog, "You Don't Look Sick," and the "Spoon Theory?" I wrote about the fact that when one struggles with a chronic condition, physical energy is a limited commodity, and one never knows when the "spoons" of energy will be gone. They may be back in bed by 9:00 AM, and their strength may literally be "spent." With this new understanding of my body, I had to let go of ALL expectations of my day or myself, and I began asking God, "What do YOU have for me in this moment?" "How should I spend my spoons of energy?" With my day completely surrendered and no agenda, in the stillness...I felt gentle promptings toward specific things. The prompting may be to make an appointment with a doctor, read a book, sweep the kitchen floor or simply rest. I began to live from my heart and the gentle promptings instead of the crazy worry and "logic" of my own reasoning.

You know, it really was freeing knowing GOD knew what needed to happen from day to day. He knew where He was taking me and what my body, soul and spirit needed in order to heal. He also knew the needs of my family. At the end of the day, no...I didn't have the "to-do-list" completed. Yes, there were always things left undone, but there was no guilt or worry. I knew God had walked me through the moments of my day. It actually became exciting! I love spontaneity and each day was full of surprises. I never knew exactly how the day would go. Yes, there were promptings to do things I REALLY didn't want to do...but there was no procrastination (which I am so good at!) I was just listening, seeking and asking God to lead me...taking it one moment at a time.

One summer afternoon in 2008, I needed to meet up with a friend a few miles from my house. She was bringing me groceries, (I have such wonderful friends!!) but due to time constraints she was unable to deliver the groceries to my house...so, we chose a convenient meeting place near the local interstate. I was so very weak, and had only driven a few times since coming home from Reno. The idea of navigating the interstate was too much...sitting up in my car was a challenge within itself! As I left my neighborhood, I said to God, "My brain is in such a fog and I feel so weak. I need a back road to get to my destination. Please show me what to do!" I felt a gentle nudging to take an immediate right turn. I thought....I must have heard wrong! This is crazy! I can't get there by turning right, but I was learning to trust those promptings so, I turned right. Immediately, I looked up and there was a beautiful eagle soaring above me. It was soaring low and I was amazed at the wing span. It was completely breathtaking. I said out loud, "Is that an eagle?" I felt like God was saying, "Yes, Ronda that is an eagle." I started to argue...that CAN'T be an eagle...we don't have eagles around here." It was as if God said...."Go with it Ronda...Trust me on this one...it's an eagle!"

Then, the arguing stopped. A verse came to my mind, "They that wait (or hope in) on the Lord, He will renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) God said to my heart, "Ronda, your complete trust and dependence on me for each moment of your day...to even make this right turn...this is what it means to soar...you are soaring." I started to cry! I had always wondered what this verse in Isaiah REALLY meant. I didn't know what it looked like in a practical way in my life. Now, my heart understood. I just needed to spread my wings and stop trying to make sense of it all...stop trying to control the future...stay in the moment and just let God carry me.

As all of these thoughts were going on inside of me, through the tears, I noticed a brand new road that had been opened while I was in Reno. I turned onto the new road, and it was a "back road" that lead me to my destination. The "crazy" right turn...was not so crazy after all. Yes, God was carrying me.


Since that day, when I leave my house, I look up and inevitably, I will see a hawk soaring above. The prompting comes to my heart..."Ronda, just soar." It is a beautiful and gentle reminder to not "run" in my own strength...just be in the moment with God and let him take care of all of my worries...just soar.

Love to all!
Ronda

One more thing! A few days ago I was having lunch with neighbors and they began talking about the eagle's nests that are in our neighborhood....Who knew?! I guess God was right...it was an eagle!

Proverbs 3:5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body, and refreshment to your bones."