The Gift of Love

What a precious gift! Love is a funny thing. It can't be earned. It can only be given. However, the way love had worked in my life...or my concept of love had always been based on my ability to perform, achieve, obtain... to be worthy of it. It was like chasing the wind. I was trying to be worthy of a gift that is only given unconditionally. Even if someone loved me unconditionally, I could not benefit from their gift because my efforts were "there" to take credit for it. The deep belief was..."I had to earn love...people gave me love because of the efforts on which I had learned to rely for acceptance and love."

Many years ago, I came to an incredible place of seeing God's grace and unconditional love for me with fresh eyes and a new understanding. It was incredibly freeing and healing! However, my self effort and striving to earn love and acceptance from people was very much intact. I didn't even realize how intact or strong those walls where until they started coming down "brick by brick."

All of the masks, efforts, pretense...I put forth with the hope of being loved/accepted by others was slowly but surely stripped away. I was unable to measure up, perform, "do" the things that might earn me favor from others. I was vulnerable...very vulnerable.

One of the most difficult bricks to fall was the drastic change in my appearance. I was so thin...it was scary. My face was thin, grey and pale. In addition, I had lost my front tooth, and for a few weeks, I didn't have a replacement. I had to see people and go to doctor appointments without a tooth...and looking very frail. There were moments I would take a second look in the mirror because I didn't recognize the reflection I saw. My belief that I had to look a certain way to be valued and loved was challenged to the core.

Even though I felt incredibly vulnerable, and didn't have my "effort,mask or tooth" to present to the world, I am so thankful....I was embraced and loved by my family and friends!! It was the first time in my life I had no choice but to risk and let the unconditional love of others touch my heart. My walls had crumbled.

My incredible husband had told me for years he would always love me, but now, I could see his love did not waiver....regardless of my weakness, appearance or vulnerability. Now, it had been tested...I really knew he loved "me."

My friends were also amazing...they loved me regardless of my condition. Yes, there were friends who didn't understand and weren't there for me, but I quickly learned who really loved me....not my effort or masks...me. I am so blessed to have so many friends who wrapped their arms around me in love.

I am thankful for this gift of being loved for me...it is unconditional. Love is by nature...unconditional. To place a condition on love violates the very nature of love. I finally learned..."to accept love based on my efforts/mask would never allow my heart to know the love it truly desired."

It just so happens that today is Good Friday. The day of ultimate sacrifice and unconditional love for mankind. Jesus died not because we are "worthy" of His love based on our efforts. The Bible says, "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). He died for us because He saw the worth of His creation...made in His image, and He loved us. He desired to reconcile the ones He loved so unconditionally back to Himself. It is just mind blowing to think....Jesus died on the cross because (just like my husband and friends) He loved "me"...not my efforts, masks or gifts...just because He loved "me." What an amazing gift of love!