Earth, Wind & Fire

Hello Everyone,


Wow! It has certainly been an interesting week, and I am sorry I have not been able to keep you updated. I have been very weak since the last time I wrote, and I have limited computer access. I have been using a computer at the clinic and the business center where I am staying. It seem like "the stars have to line up" for me to find an available computer and feel well enough to write all at the same time.

Reno had two days of very high winds this week....up to 70 miles/ hour. There was a fire about five miles from the clinic and they were having difficulty containing it because of the high winds. Yes! We have it ALL here! Earthquakes, wind and fire.....anyone care to join me in Reno!

As far as treatment, I had my third push on Wednesday. It was another hard one. Within an hour, I began shaking. I was ready for it this time...or so I thought. (I don't think I will ever be completely ready!) Once I started shaking, I began to focus my mind on God's presence, and the shaking didn't completely stop. I was a little confused. I thought, "What's wrong?" I expected my body to calm as it did the day before. I kept focusing, and my body kept shaking. It wasn't nearly as scary or severe as the first one but the reaction was not subsiding. I was puzzled. Was I doing something wrong? Then, the answer came almost as quickly as I could ask the question. There are times God chooses not to remove our pain and discomfort. God is not a genie or a vending machine....we put in the right coinage and get the expected result. Pain has it's purposes, and when I suffer, He is there with me to walk through it. The fact that He didn't take away my pain does not mean He wasn't with me. He walked me through it this time. It was a comfort to know I was not alone. He had me!

When the shaking stopped, my fever started to climb and my head and neck throbbed. (I was told to watch my temp., and not let it get above 105F.) When my temperature reached 104.6F, I decided it was time to do something! I took a fever reducer and it slowly started to come down. I had pain and a temp throughout the night. By the next morning, (Thursday) I was so weak I could hardly lift my head. I managed to get dressed, and when I brushed my teeth, my mouth was filled with blood. It scared me. I went to the clinic and was seen by one of the doctors. They said my reaction was completely within the normal range, and to expect to get weaker before I get stronger. I guess I was just surprised at how weak one can get.

Later in the afternoon, I had my IV therapy, and I had a bad reaction (Yes! I was ready for this day to end!). I started getting a bad headache, numbness in my face, and dizziness. There was a new doctor, Dr. Lee, overseeing the clinic because Dr. Fong (my treating physician) was out of town. Dr. Lee came to check on me, and as we were talking, he randomly said some things to me I will NEVER forget. He said, "When you have lyme disease, you can no longer spend any excess energy on things that don't matter. You must focus your time and energy on your priorities and what is important....you have a limited reserve, and you can't afford to waste any of it. You also can't waste emotional energy on resentment, anger, bitterness or being concerned about what others think of you....this is the silver lining. " After he left, I thought long and hard about what he said. This is how I have desired to live my life, and so often failed. Having lyme disease, I no longer have a choice. He is right, this is a silver lining....I am being forced to live without pettiness, people pleasing (this is a hard one for me!) and things that don't matter. Wow! It will take me a long time to absorb it all.

By the end of Thursday, I realized a decision needed to be made about my daughter. I was too weak to care for her. Grammy is here to help me, but when mommy is in the house, there is no substitute for her. Chris and I decided it was best for him to come and get Raegan so I can completely focus on treatment and rest. It was a very hard decision made with tears, but I know it is the right one. Chris arrived on Friday and he took Raegan back to Virginia ("Vigeena,"as Raegan would say) on Saturday. I talked with them today, and she is happy to be back home in her own bed with all of her toys, family and friends. While Chris was traveling back and forth, my friends, Laurel and Brian invited Seth over for a "two-night" sleep-over! Seth is loving this sleep-over thing! Thanks Laurel and Brian!

This weekend, I am feeling much better, and enjoying a few days without IV's and treatment. Tomorrow, I will be ready to get back to business! I hope each of you have had a wonderful weekend, and blessings in the week to come!

Love,
Ronda