Springs in the Desert

One day, 4 hours and thirty minutes until I land on Virginia soil....can you tell I am watching the clock? As I come to the end of my stay and treatment in Reno, I can't help but reflect on the time I have spent here and all of the incredible things I have learned and experienced. It has been a healing experience physically, emotionally and spiritually. It has been quite a ride...one I will never forget. Earlier in the week, as I was having a reaction to my push (it was a good one!), I was thinking about this healing experience, and I had a moment of clarity. In order to fully explain, I must take you back to last year.

During March, 2007, I came across a few verses in the Bible that puzzled me. (There are many things in the Bible that puzzle me but this was the puzzle of the hour.) The verses are Psalm 84:5-6 "Blessed (happy) is the man whose strength is in the Lord; in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca they make it a place of springs..."
For some reason I could not get these verses out of my head, nor could I fully understand their meaning. I was so curious; It became a challenge. I even looked up the key words in Hebrew (I know! I am a "geek." You can say it!) but I still couldn't completely "get" it. As I was laying in bed, during a push, (too weak to move) the meaning of these verses became very clear to me. This is what came to me...

"Blessed (happy) is the man whose strength is in the Lord.."
I have been striped of strength; my ability to care for my husband and children, my ability to work, my ability to control what goes in my body (and what comes out!), my ability to sleep, even my ability to get dressed and showered on some days. I have needed His strength because I have none of my own. I am a "human-female" full of fears, doubts and insecurities, and in my weakest times, He has been my strength. I have reached out to Him because I needed Him so desperately and He met me in the middle of my weakness.

"In whose heart are the highways to Zion!"
It is this place of weakness that has been my "highway", my way, to Zion. ("Zion" is the place God dwells or God's presence) It has been my highway to depend on Him and His presence like never before.

"Passing through the valley of Baca (sorrow), they make it a place of springs..."
Reno is a valley with desert terrain and mountains all around! I am a visual learner...how much more visual can you get! Being in this valley, in pain and need, I have found a place of springs.."Water" in the desert. How incredible that Jesus says, " I am the Living Water...drink of me and you will never thirst again." (Another verse that has puzzled me...How do I drink from Jesus? Maybe, I am a little too visual) This "Water" is the same Jesus who I asked to forgive my sins and come into my life as a child. He is now close and offering me water, His presence, in the midst of my sorrow. I have to tell you, I have tasted and it is sweet!

I am not a theologian and obviously a slow learner. (I am not sure I will be so curious in the future!) God had to take great lengths to show me the meaning of these verses, but you know, I wouldn't go back! These verses have helped me to see a meaning beyond my recovery. It will forever be imprinted on my heart, and I will never be the same!


Thank you for indulging me as I have rambled on, these last six weeks, about pushes, needles, body fluids and the like! I have been very honest about this road (I guess "torture" can make you pretty honest!), and you have been very gracious to keep reading. As I prepare to go home, I don't feel like this road has ended. Infact, in many ways, I feel it is just beginning! I will be going home with daily injections, medication and a plan to take care of myself. I will also have a few 4-5 day follow- up treatments (at three months and six month) in Reno. I am glad to have a plan, and I do feel that I am on a "healing road."

When I return home, I will continue to write about my recovery, and you are welcome to come along with me! I will try my best to update you as much as possible. Thanks again for your outpouring of love and support and for walking with me on this journey.

Love to all!
Ronda
















"Happy is the man whose strength is in the Lord